500 Ways to Kill Off Bleach Characters
by Kevvy Talks
Summary: Just as the title states, this is a long list of all the most hilarious ways possible I can think of to kill off various Bleach characters. If you want to request me to kill a character, then I'll make room for it if I don't already have it down.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: 500 Ways to Kill Off Bleach Characters**

**Starring: Various Bleach characters**

**Rating: T to M, because this could get nasty.**

**Genre: Humor**

**Summary: Just as the title states, this a long list of all the ways possible I can think of to kill off various Bleach characters. If you want to request me to kill a character, then I'll make room for it if I don't already have it down. Some of the drabbles with have AU settings, some might not. **

**A/N:**

**Just as the title states, this is long list on the many ways various Bleach characters could die. I wanted to originally star this with just one character, but I changed my mind at the last minute because I figured I'd get flamed for lack of variety. I do not take credit for most of these, because they came from an online source I'm not going to reveal at the moment cuz it would give the point of this story away entirely. Also, if anyone has died in any of the ways I've written below, then that is coincidence only and I am profitting from it in no way whatsoever.**

**If you want to request me to kill a character, then I'll make room for it. Some of the small drabbles will have AU settings, some might not.**

**Some of you may or may not mention that most of the characters may not die exactly as the ways listed, but what I have listed may cause the actions/events leading **_**up**_** to their deaths. Think of it as cause and effect. I couldn't very well do "death by cloud" with applying the above now, could I? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Bleach **_**or Uncyclopedia.**

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><p><strong>1. Insane fit of laughter.<strong>

Ichigo cried. Rukia cried. Ichigo laughed. Rukia laughed. Rukia fell off a cliff. Ichigo laughed harder until he died from lack of oxygen intake.

**2. Throwing oneself at a window to test how strong the glass is(n't).**

Ichigo is the hero, mighty and brave, whilst Uryu is the logical thinker. Uryu proposed Ichigo throw himself at a window to test how strong the glass was. He bet that the glass would break; Ichigo bet that it wouldn't. Ichigo threw himself through the glass and went splat on the pavement below.

**3. Sex.**

Kon picked up two prostitutes and bet he could have sex with them for three hours straight. He ingested the whole bottle of Viagra and died foaming at the mouth. At least the last 3 hours were the happiest of his life.

**4. Video games.**

Keigo Asano went into a deep state of depression upon realizing he was a nobody and tried to sate his loneliness by playing video games for 50 hours straight. He died of a heart attack.

**5. Big boobs.**

Rangiku decided to give Ichigo one of her infamous hugs. He was half unconscious before Nel came along and snapped his spinal cord from the terrible bear hug.

**6. Fatal case of Saturday Night Fever.**

Enough said. Lindsay Lohan partied with poor Ichi until he died of heart failure.

**7. Being part of a human centipede.**

Ichigo died of a seizure when he got stuck between Michael Jackson and Britney Spears.

**8. The morgue.**

"Subject appears to still be alive. We have rectified that accordingly."

**9. Getting birthday punches when you turn 100.**

Chad punched Ichigo straight through a window. He sailed down three stories before hitting a hearse which had been, ironically, parked there.

**10. Scared to death.**

Keigo had a heart-attack by the possibility of being scared to death.

**11. Seven hours of dry sex!**

Ichigo died of friction burn.

**12. Being shrunk.**

Ichigo was shrunk to the size of an ant when Rukia walked by with an ice cream cone. The ice cream dropped on him and he died from suffocation of the sugary substance.

**13. Skin failure.**

Mayuri's skin fell off his body...which isn't shocking in the least.

**14. Being buried alive.**

Enough said.

**15. Being buried in the same coffin as George Bush.**

"NOOOO! NO MORE POLITICS, DAMMIT!" Ichigo screamed, and died of brain failure**.**

**16. Eaten by zombies.**

Ichigo was eaten by a zombie, turned into a cool zombie, then eaten by zombie-eating superzombies.

**17. Succeeding in screwing oneself. **

Yumichika loved himself so much he decided to screw himself. He died twisting his body to impossible proportions.

**18. Eaten by Oprah.**

"And now, we welcome Sosuke Aizen, the mother of all assholes, to the stage!" Aizen smiled, waving to the crowd as he walked on stage. Oprah grabbed a chainsaw and brutally tore his ass to pieces. Momo gnawed on his arm.

**19. Eaten by God.**

"Hm...I'm hungry," God mused, catching sight of Barragan. God grabbed the Espada and chewed on him a second before spitting him back onto the pavement, dead. "Oh, Tom Cruise! What the fuck was that!" God went to his porcelain throne and threw up the remains of the stale old fart.

**20. Attempting to dig a hole to China.**

Shinji decided the Vizoreds were gonna move again and began to dig a hole. He hit the sewer line and drowned in shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**21. Being Paris Hilton's love interest.**

Ichigo shot himself just at the sight of her.

**22. Deleted for being vandalism.**

Enough said.

**23. Being banned from life.**

Ichigo slammed his head repeatedly in the keyboard of his computer until he was dead.

**24. Spontaneous Combustion.**

Kaname Tosen blew up while he was being given a manicure.

**25. Unknown, unloved and 50 pounds overweight.**

Marechiyo Ohmaeda.

**26. Being too stupid to live.**

Marechiyo Ohmaeda.

**27. Accidentally writing your own name in the Death Note.**

Gin was stupid enough to write his name in the Note. He dropped dead a few minutes later.

**28. Running with scissors.**

Ganju died a rebel's death. He tripped and killed himself.

**29. Death by the food pyramid.**

Ichigo didn't eat a balanced diet and got impaled by the pointy food pyramid.

**30. Death at a rock concert.**

Ozzy Osbourne bit Ichigo's head off.

**31. Eaten by a VCR.**

The VCR ate the video tape, then it ate Renji's arm. He died of blood loss.

**32. On your wedding day.**

"Till death do you part," the priest said. Aizen pulled his wife's veil away, revealing Tite Kubo, who pulled out a shotgun and blew his brains out.

**33. Not wearing a space suit.**

Don Kanonji attempted entering space without a space suit. All of the kids in Japan were talking about the corpse on the moon days later.

**34. Corn (I just had to do this one)**

Ichigo found out about Kaien Shiba's dying words to Rukia when he passed away." Man, what a corny way to die!" Ichigo was suddenly consumed and killed by corn.

**35. Beaten to death for being white & nerdy.**

Uryu had the shit kicked out of him even though he recited Pi to 1000 places to his attackers for their amusement.

**36. A sniper.**

Bleach was originally named _Snipe_ before Kubo decided on Bleach. Some random sniper got pretty pissed off cause of that and shot Ichigo down like a fly while he was walking down the

**37. Driving over the unfinished portion of a bridge.**

Luckily, the air bag went off in time, saving Ichigo's life... Then the car blew up.

**38. Being covered in tuna and thrown into a pit of hungry kittens.**

"Aw, they're so cu-AAAAAGHH!" Ichigo got murdered by the homicidal kittens- Grimmjow's kittens.

**39. Going to America.**

Long story short, the protagonist of Bleach went to America, became obese, and died of heart disease.

**40. Taking on the homeless.**

Eventually, Ichigo became homeless too.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I want to note that for as many visitors as the story has, it has even less reviews. If you read this, I **_**implore **_**you to review. You are all entitled to your opinion and are free to flame me or comment. I don't care if you want to say hi. Please review. I need the feedback.**

**Jereomy: I have done as you asked per your request in 206. Hanataro is a hard kid to kill off. It'll be awhile before you see it. :/**

**As for everyone else, review, enjoy, and request. Later on, the ways I kill off the characters will go from short sentences, to drabbles-almost.**

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><p><strong>41. DEATH BY CHUCK NORRIS<strong>

Chuck got bored, Keigo was in the way because he wanted an autograph, then a roundhouse kick came that took his head clean off his body.

**42. Pushed over Niagra Falls.**

Urahara was just standing there when the wind blew his hat away. He was stupid enough to jump over the side of the Falls, where he broke his ass on the rocks below.

**43. Trampled in a soccer stadium.**

Ichigo signed up to become a professional soccer player and got trampled flat by the competition.

**44. Submerged in lava.**

Aizen, being the piece of shit that he is, told all of Society that he was going to prove he was a god by throwing himself into a volcano. He did so. He didn't come back.

**45. Slowly digested in the stomach of a whale.**

"Oh, look, a penny-AAAAAGHRGLGHHH!" Ichigo dissolved in the stomach acid. A while later the whale shit out something orange.

**46. Getting in a gunfight with the Pope.**

The Pope pulled out a micro Uzi and shot the sacrilegious Sosuke Aizen full of holes before spitting on him. "That's for Jesus, ****!"

**47. Getting trampled in a marathon.**

Ichigo appeared about to win, when the competitive and blood-thirsty Orihime pushed him into the ground on her crazed quest for the finish line. Ichigo got stomped repetitively into the ground, and got run over by the medic.

**48. Drowned in a toilet. (revised)**

Orihime snuck in the boy's bathroom at school and shoved Ichigo head-first into the toilet. As always, she was daydreaming.

**49. Being run over by a trailer, seven times.**

Enough said. Shinji was integrated into the ground. There was nothing but a big red smudge afterward.

**50. Paper cut inflicted by Giant Paper.**

Ichigo fell asleep during class and drooled all over his work. The paper had had enough and sliced him to pieces when he awoke.

**51. Severe head injuries inflicted by an Xbox controller.**

Ikkaku discovered the Xbox and went on a video game rampage. The controller had enough of the abuse and gave him a severe concussion that forced him into a coma. He died a week later.

**52. Being forced to get "help" from Dr. Phil.**

After playing awful mind-games on Ichigo for hours, he decided he'd had enough and threw Dr. Phil's ass out the window of a building and shot himself.

However, Dr. Phil just ended up back with him Soul Society and gave Ichigo a heart-attack. "MAKE IT STAWP!"

**53. Death by Bruce Lee**

Keigo died from forced trauma to his entire body.

**54. Screwing your computer.**

Szayel screwed his computer and got a virus (STD)...which was regrettably life-threatening.

**55. Being raped by a shovel.**

Enough said.

**56. Beaten to death by own reproductive organs.**

Keigo's dick decided it didn't like him anymore and raped him in the ass before ejaculating so much fluid that Keigo died of forced dehydration.

**57. Getting hit in the face by a donkey.**

An ass came out of nowhere and broke Renji's skull.

**58. Getting one's head slammed in the car door.**

Szayel slammed Ilfort's head in the car door repeatedly before shooting him six times just to make sure.

**59. Death by exploding breast implants.**

Chizuru decided she was tired of being ignored by Orihime and got breast implants. Orihime unfortunately hugged her as soon as she walked into class and the implants exploded from the pressure, killing her.

**60. Death by meteorite.**

The universe decided to do us a favor and sent forth a meteorite that took Aizen's head clean off in the midst of his speech on Sokyoku Hill.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Pwease review.**

**Mizuki Usagi: I've already prepared over 200 of these babies. I've never thought of killing off Orihime and Yammy. I'll try something in the future.**

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><p><strong>61. Tampons.<strong>

Yachiru stuffed tampons in Gin's eyes to keep them open. She was just trying to be nice, but it caused massive hemorrhaging and killed him.

**62. Death at a tattoo parlor.**

Renji got his eyeballs tattooed while he screamed in agony.

**63. Death at a hockey game.**

Aaroniero was convinced into going to a professional hockey game that the Espadas had set up in Las Noches. The hockey puck struck his fish-tank-face and killed him.

**64. Dying at the Olympics.**

Zommari reluctantly attended the Olympics and got impaled by the pole they use for pole vaulting.

**65. Death by flying battle axe.**

"FOR SOUL SOCIETY!" Marechiyo screamed, throwing his axe at Aizen the Viking. Painstakingly, Marechiyo threw the axe in a straight line and it dropped back from the sky and sliced his fat head open.

**66. Listening to one's mother talk about her sexual relationships.**

"NOOOOOO! MAKE IT STAWP, DAMMIT! OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!" Iba gasped for air and repeatedly slammed his head into the wall until he died of blood loss and brain hemorrhaging.

**67. Killed by Death. **

The specter of Death walked up to Ichigo one day, deciding it was his time to die. "Rukia?" Rukia turned Ichigo into an icicle.

**68. Being deep-fried alive.**

Ichigo was fried into a Mcnugget and given to his father for dinner.

**69. Staying in a torturous infinite loop you can't get out of.**

Ichigo watched his father and Rukia have sex together over and over and over until he had a stroke.

**70. Being aborted.**

Masaki wasn't such a nice mommy to our little Ichigo, and screwed up the Bleach world as we know it by having an abortion when she found out she was pregnant.

**71. Making out with a hyena.**

Izuru signed up for a survival reality show where he had to dangerous stunts out in the wild to get a million dollars. He became dehydrated in the African plains and mistook a hyena for Gin. The hyena mauled his ass off when he tried to make out with it. "NO, CAPTAIN! NO! I'M SORRY! DOOOON'T!"

**72. Drinking long-ago expired milk.**

Urahara drank some of Yoruichi's milk, which now had the consistency of cottage cheese. He died from excessive diarrhea.

**73. Murdered for being really fucking annoying.**

Tite Kubo got down on his knees in the street that evening, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep, and decided for once to bury his burden. He pulled out a big-ass bazooka and aimed it at Keigo's house before firing. Authorities said it was a gas leak; it was just Tite Kubo's awesome-ness.

**74. Arms magically replaced with wolverines.**

Keigo screamed in horror when he woke up after Mayuri had surgically replaced is arms with wolverines." AAAAAAGH!" Keigo screamed as he was torn to pieces with his new appendages. "Subject appears to be in pain...," Mayuri mused from nearby. Nemu blinked. "The subject is dead now, sir."

**75. Death by massage.**

Yamamoto was giving Ichigo one of his famous dry-towel massages when he applied to much pressure with his amazing strength and murdered him, breaking his spine. The old man was so deaf he didn't hear Ichigo's screams until it was too late.

**76. Watching all the Saw movies.**

Hanataro Yamada died of a heart-attack and seizures which caused him to claw his eyes out.

**77. Dying on the Titanic.**

"I GET THE FIRST LIFEBOAT!" Ichigo screamed, and grabbed Rukia, throwing her into the freezing cold water below. When the boat was lowered onto the water, Rukia grabbed Ichigo and dragged him into the water beside her. She drowned him and got out alive with the Heart of the Ocean jewel in her pocket.

**78. Giving birth.**

"GAAAAAAH! SHIT!" Grimmjow screamed as he gave birth to his fifth kitten." GET YOUR FUCKING HAND OFF MY DICK!" he screamed at the doctor, who was attempting to aid him.

**79. Getting raped and decapitated by a teddy bear.**

Kon raped Ichigo and decapitated him for revenge on all the years he'd been abused.

**80. Struck by a NASA spacecraft.**

Ichigo was sitting in his car on the highway while in horrific traffic when the NASA spacecraft flew out of nowhere and smashed his ass flatter than a pancake.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, guys. To all those who made requests, I'll follow through with them.**

**Dirtyspots: I wish I knew what a Dougie was. 0.0**

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><p><strong>81. Eaten by ladybugs.<strong>

Uryu took interest in a ladybug on his way home, which had landed on his arm. "What a pest," he grumbled, and flicked it off. Unfortunately, the ladybug did not survive the hurtle and the impact of the Quincy's index finger, and died. Its buddies got pissed off and swarmed Uryu. "AAAAAAAH!"

**82. Death by mentos and coke.**

Nnoitora was dared to ingest a whole bottle of coke and a pack of mentos. He wasn't aware of the fatal effects if carried, and most of his lower jaw was blown off along with his tongue and his precious tattoo.

**83. Car battery.**

Ichigo's car battery died out while he was driving in the rain. Kaname Tosen, a kind citizen, pulled over to offer his assistance. He connected some cables to his car and walked over to transfer them to the other vehicle. Instead, being the blind-ass idiot he was, he shoved the cables connected to the car battery up Ichigo's ass, electrocuting him.

**84. Cross a highway blindfolded.**

Keigo got hit five times before a semi truck plowed into him and made him road-kill.

**85. Attempting a strike at Wal-Mart**

Keigo held up a sign and began protesting about how crappy Wal-Mart was. Some random hater threw a beer bottle at his head, some mom in a mini-van ran his ass over with her car because he wouldn't get out of her way, and then some ten-year-old kid randomly ran up to him and stabbed him with a knife.

**86. Killer rabbit.**

Ichigo hated rabbits. He hated Chappy most of all. Chappy the bunny decided it had had enough dissing from Ichigo and mauled him viciously while Rukia laughed on the sidelines. "AAAAH! IT'S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! IT HAS RABIES! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF!"

**87. Being strangled by Homer Simpson.**

Ichigo had his father magically replaced with someone a little more bearable. Homer Simpson didn't like him and broke his neck.

**88. Drowning in a pool of Michael Jackson's "Jesus Juice". (whatever that is)**

"GAAAAAAAH!" Ichigo was promptly gagged and drowned in the "Jesus Juice".

**89. Being an amateur chainsaw juggler.**

Marechiyo decided to get a side job as a chainsaw juggler. He ended up chopping off most of his body parts and died of major blood loss.

**90. Robbing a gun shop.**

Ichigo's Hollow went on a crazed rampage and went to rob a bank, only to find that he was in the gun shop next door. All the customers and the owner of the store shot him full of holes.

**91. Startling someone while they are holding a dangerous weapon.**

Orihime was cooking dinner one day when Uryu walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She screamed, turned around, and began stabbing him with the butcher knife she'd been holding. He died of blood loss and heart break.

**92. Pick a fight with Sylvester Stallone.**

Sylvester bashed poor Ichi's brains in by slamming him repeatedly into a brick wall and sicked his pet lion on him. "NOOOOO! BAD KITTY! BAD KITTY! NO NOT THAT!"

**93. Try to catch a roadrunner.**

Rukia dared Renji to catch a roadrunner. Renji held on for as long as he could, got serious road rash and hit a stop sign before his ass finally hit the railing on the side of the road and sent him plummeting over a steep cliff.

**94. Leaping off a 20 story building.**

Ichigo gave up on life and leaped off a building onto a sharpened steel sewage grating. He looked like something similar to grated cheese afterward.

**95. Car.**

Keigo's nose got shoved into the exhaust pipe of his car while it was running. He sustained serious burns and lay there screaming until someone put him out of his misery and ran him over with his own vehicle.

**96. Sleeping in a washing machine.**

Ichigo fell asleep in the washing machine and drowned. His corpse was very clean when it came out, though.

**97. Volunteer to be a subway brake.**

I did the world a great favor by tying Marechiyo's fat lard ass to the subway railing since no one else would volunteer. Let's just say there was a lot of blood and guts scattered everywhere by the end of it. The clean-up crew had a field day.

**98. Sleep at the bottom of an elevator shaft.**

Nnoitora snored very loud and Tesla couldn't get any sleep. The city in the living world was too crowded, the sewers too intoxicating, the subway too noisy, and the park was full of nocturnal critters that most likely wanted to nibble on him. The elevator shaft was _just _right...until the elevator began moving down and crushed him into something less than paste.

**99. Ripped to pieces by a flock of seagulls.**

Isshin wanted to show his kids the wonders of feeding a flock of seagulls. Unfortunately, due to the pollution of oceans and the atmosphere, the food the seagulls gathered was getting smaller and smaller each day, thus they were starving and resorting to desperate measures: cannibalism.

Long story short? They pecked Isshin to death until he was dead. His children laughed.

**100. Changing every word on Wikipedia to "poop".**

Ichigo was bored one day and decided to sabotage Wikipedia as we know it, causing the universe to implode because of his stupidity.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to all you guys who took the time to review.**

**Ablast4: I'd recently sunk into a writer's block when you suddenly put up your list of suggestions and I immediately got my motivation back. Thanks!**

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><p><strong>101. Reading Wikepedia.<strong>

Ichigo spontaniously combusted.

**102. Overdosing on kittens.**

Yammy ate and ate and ate...and in the end he was still hungry, so he began eating Grimmjow's kittens. Why he had kittens in the first place, no one is sure, but Yammy swallowed them whole anyway. Eventually, he began frothing at the mouth and fell to the ground dead.

**103. Getting your head caught in a beehive.**

Keigo screamed when a beehive landed on his head, engulfing his face with a swarm of pissed off killer bees.

**104. Get some random hater to send Aizen a box of chocolates filled with maggots.**

Aizen probably would have died due to over-vomiting until the random hater came into the bathroom and drowned him in the toilet water.

**105. Death by an unlikely weapon.**

Soi Fon decided she'd had enough of her fat-ass lieutenant's shit, so while they were eating lunch and he was blabbing his mouth off, she stood up, turned, and stabbed him to death with a plastic spork. (I saw this happen in Law-Abiding Citizen!)

**106. Being on Team Edward. (Dedicated to those who are so devoted to Team Jacob, they are homicidal).**

Ichigo was forced by Rukia into rooting for Team Edward. He got hit in the head with a baseball bat full of nails by a twelve-year old girl.

"Team Jacob, bitch!" she spat.

**107. Have some random person other than Ichigo prevent Aizen from ending the world.**

John Cena ripped off his shirt, blinding Aizen with his muscled body. He then proceeded to tear off Aizen's butterfly wings and throw him into a building.

(You sorta wonder how Ichigo could compare to something like THAT)

**108. Getting hit by an ice-cream truck going 5 miles per hour.**

Marechiyo wasn't watching where he was fucking going and got mowed down. He died, slowly and painfully.

**109. Death by aneurysm. **

Keigo, nerdy teenage boy, died of an aneurysm brought on by an orgasm achieved by playing around with his sister's sex toys.

**110. Chocked to death by Mrs. America.**

Mrs. America got pissed off when she lost to Orihime, and they had a cat fight to a draw. Mrs. America got some hair torn out of her head, Orihime got some claw marks. Long story short, they murdered each other to a stalemate.

**111. Plasma TV. **

Keigo bought himself a nice, very expensive plasma TV. He mounted it over his bed, the world of the big screen at his fingertips whenever he felt like going channel surfing. Unfortunately, the TV had been mounted improperly and fell, crushing Keigo when he went to sleep.

**112. Death by Uncle Sam.**

"We want _YOU _for the US Army," Uncle Sam said, doing his famous pose in front of Ichigo while he was eating breakfast. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I'M FROM JAPAN, ASSHOLE! GO TAKE YOUR SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE!" Uncle Sam adjusted his tie, brow furrowing in confusion. "I'm sorry, I must have gotten the wrong house," he apologized. Ichigo tucked back down into his cereal, and Uncle Sam got out a shotgun and shot Isshin in the chest when he walked into the room. He took a biscuit off the table and walked out of the house, munching on his snack.

**113. Landmine hopscotch.**

"Hop! Hop!" Chappy skipped about the minefield without miraculously getting blown up. "Hop! Ho-" *BOOM* Ichigo got blown up.

**114. Hot potato.**

"Hot potato!" Yachiru squealed, throwing the scalding hot potato threw the air with amazing speed. Soi Fon, who happened to be walking by, reacted with shocking reflexes and kicked it, causing it to change direction dramatically, flying into Marechiyo's mouth as he walked alongside her, mid-sentence. The fat ass's gargled screams were responded to by no one, not even his captain, who left him there as he choked to death on the vegetable.

**115. Bar fight.**

Ichigo slammed Renji's head repeatedly into the counter after they'd got into yet another brawl. Everybody else found that a bar fight would be a good way to pass the time and followed suit. Kenpachi grabbed Ichigo and laughed hysterically as he threw him through a wall. Renji picked up a chair and smashed it over Ikkaku's bald head; Kiyone and Sentaro, who were both drunk, argued in gibberish but didn't necessarily kill each other. Yachiru giggled and dragged Maki-Maki across the room by his mustache while he screamed in agony. Soi Fon got pissed off and grabbed a broken bottle, taking the jagged end and shoving it into Marechiyo's gut. He died of blood loss because everyone was too smashed to care that he was dying.

**116. Ronald Mcdonald. **

Ronald Mcdonald raped Marechiyo in the face for disgracing obese people all over the world.

**117. Sawed-off shotgun.**

Renji walked out of the grocery store, minding his own business. Unfortunately, a bank heist was taking place across the street, and when the robbers ran out to their vehicle, one of their guns went off. Renji got his legs blown out from under him.

**118. Death by Bugs Bunny.**

"What's up, doc?" The bunny queried, taking one bite of his carrot before shoving it down Szayel's throat, cutting him and causing him to choke to death on his own blood.

**119. Death as a virgin.**

Keigo died a loser, and a virgin. He was lying on his deathbed in a nursing home, a shriveled old man with an equally wrinkled penis, when he noticed that another old lady was on the bed next to his, knitting a scarf. "Hey, pretty lady," he rasped. The old woman halted what she was doing, eyes sliding up to meet his, and got up. She merely turned, grabbing something from her dresser, and sprayed him in the eyes with mace. Keigo screamed before she immediately grabbed the knitting needles and promptly stabbed him to death in the throat.

**120. Chopped in half with a battle axe. **

Ichigo grabbed a battle axe and gladly began to chop Marechiyo's fat ass in half. Blood spattered every where, and Soi Fon took it upon herself to grab a rusty cheese grater and began shaving the skin off his face while he howled in agony.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to: praeses, Ablast4, Darkened Angel Gabriel, Miku Alli, and everyone else.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, Kensei would still be captain of squad 9 and Kaien Shiba wold still be alive. :p**

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><p><strong>121. Death by Will Smith. (Rewritten).<strong>

Grimmjow went to a cafe down the road one day to get himself a latte. He walked casually up to the counter and addressed the African American man standing there. "I would like a latte, please. Extra cream," he ordered.

"Would you like it black?" the guy asked.

"No. I hate black," Grimmjow said. The man, who was wearing a plain white apron over a designer's shirt and donned expensive converses, twitched with scarcely disguised wrath.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Grimmjow gaped, jaw slackening as if he wasn't quite sure what he'd done to deserve such a response.

"What the hell do you mean, 'you hate black'? Is there something wrong with black, Vanilla Ice? Huh?"

Will Smith grabbed a cup of hot coffee and threw it in Grimmjow's face. The teal-haired male screamed as the scaulding beverage burned his skin. He began thrashing just as Will Smith hopped over the counter and grabbed the cash register, brutally slamming it over Grimmjow's head and killing him immediately.

**122. Death by a tank. **

Szayel dared his brother, Ilfort, to look down the barrel of a tank. "Hello? Anybody in there? Hello?" Ilfort called, leaning over and trying to see down the long, narrow passage. That was when he got his head blown off. Szayel smiled, watching as Ilfort's decapitated body fell to the ground, blood spurting everywhere and pooling on the floor. Some random person found Ilfort's skull a few days later, with bits of flesh still sticking to the bone.

**123. Being circumcised without anesthetic. **

Ikkaku screamed in a tortured voice as his manhood was frayed to death by Mayuri's needles and scalpels.

**124. Grand Theft Auto overload. (Dedicated to those who are insane for GRAND THEFT AUTO!)**

Ichigo's Hollow went crazy over playing too much Grand Theft Auto and bought himself a Lamborghini and an array of weapons before going on a rampage. He threw a grenade out the window of his vehicle as he was driving, which hit Keigo on the head and blew him up, leaving behind a charred corpse. He pulled out an AK-47 and laughed hysterically as he shot an old lady to death while she was crossing the street, and drove straight threw the glass window pane of a small shop in the mall, which was displaying lingerie. Ichigo, or Shirosaki if you will, pulled a women's bra of his face and swerved, hitting innocent bystanders left and right. "Ah, so many pedestrians, so little time!" he giggled, crazed. Eventually, after running over countless passerby and shooting numerous victims, he was pursued by the police force. "Here, bitch, hold meh gun," he said, turning to the prostitute he'd picked up earlier and throwing his Glock in her lap. Shirosaki leaned out the window and pulled out an Uzi, shooting the tires out from under a cop car and causing it to slam into another vehicle. Shirosaki died laughing when he drove his car right over a bridge and into the river, ending his fun all too soon. His seat belt got jammed and he couldn't get it off, so he drowned.

**125. Death by massive splinter. **

Iba was walking back to the barracks one day when, suddenly, a massive splinter protruded threw the floor and perforated him, right in the heart.

**126. Death by bear trap. **

Ichigo and Rukia were about to engage in sexual intercourse for the first time. They made out, did a bit of petting with their clothes still on, and decided it was time to take things further. Ichigo moved up between her legs and screamed in horror and anguish as there was a keening noise and his dick was gone. Blood sprayed everywhere, spattering all over the bed sheets as he rolled off onto the floor. "Oh, Ichigo!" Rukia cried in dismay. "I'm sorry! I forgot to take off my chastity belt!" She smiled, revealing the bear trap that was between her legs. Isshin tried to sow Ichigo's poor stump back up, and reattach his penis, but, sadly, he died of heart break and major blood loss; he also died from emo-ness.

**127. Death by bull. **

Nnoitora wanted to prove his strength to the world and was put in a big pit accompanied by a bull. He screamed wildly as he was chased down, gored and crushed by the beast's hooves.

**128. Nanao Ise.**

Nanao married Shunsui, who was madly in love with her. Painstakingly, Shunsui's promiscuous ways never diminished, even after his marriage. After many years, Nanao found out that Shunsui had cheated on her...repetitively. While they dined together one night, she poisoned him, stabbed him repeatedly with her zanpaku-to, stabbed him some more, and then castrated him and cut off his balls before throwing him into a frozen river.

**129. Fire Hydrant. **

As fate would have it, while Grimmjow was driving to work one day, his car blew a tire and he swerved onto the sidewalk, striking a fire hydrant. The force of the water pressure shot the airborne hydrant at Ulquiorra, who was just passing by. The heavy hydrant struck him in the face and killed him immediately.

**130. Helicopter.**

Jinta was going to baseball practice, walking down a residential street when, suddenly, a helicopter crashed on top of him.

**131. Dying on one's birthday.**

Ichigo was heading home from school, where his friends were waiting to throw him his birthday party. Unfortunately, he was hit by a truck on the way home, the very truck that was carrying his birthday cake.

**132. Toilet seat.**

Ichigo Kurosaki was killed brutally by his best friend, Orihime Inoue, for failing to recognize how good-looking she was, and that she was clearly in love with him. Orihime finally had had enough and went to his house while his family was out shopping. She clubbed him to death brutally with a toilet seat. Don't ask where she got the toilet seat.

**133. Explosives. **

Kaien Shiba wanted revenge for dying the way he did, and in such a corny fashion, in the manga and anime. He lost it permanently, and with nothing but diabolical cunning and a desire to kill the two-timing creator that had made him, he loaded Tite Kubo's car with a ton of C4 explosive. The explosion was heard from miles away, and no trace of the car or Tite Kubo was discovered...then Tite Kubo became a Soul Reaper and killed everybody with his awesome-ness. The end.

**134. Death by decimals.**

Szayel sat there for hours at his desk, thinking over hundreds of endless, unnecessary decimals until his head hit the table and he died of brain failure.

**135. Pop-ups.**

Aizen was on the computer one day, just innocently browsing, when he accidentally clicked OK on the "click here to claim a free death" browser popup.

John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln came out of nowhere and shot him to death 20 times before spitting on his corpse.

**136. Piano. *Ablast4* (Ironically, I had this written down before you ever mentioned it.)**

Ganju was walking down the sidewalk one day when a piano soared 100 or so feet down from the sky and landed on him, smashing his ass flatter than the gum on someone's shoe.

**137. Saving a child's life.**

Ichigo saved a child from certain death when she was nearly hit by a car going at high-speed. However, a few minutes later, the little girl crossed the street and got hit by a bus, which had been swerving out of control because something had gone mysteriously wrong with the brakes. She died upon impact, and Ichigo had a mental breakdown before he shot himself.

**138. Pirates of the Caribbean.**

Alas, this was just too much of a good day while sailing out on the seas to be cooped up in his captain's courters. Ichigo got up and took one last walk along the length of his beautiful ship...while it was being blasted from all sides and slowly sinking.

**139. Dueling a Jedi. **

Ikkaku's opponent summoned his master's light saber and sliced him half.

**140. Dildo. **

Rangiku got very drunk one night with Shuhei and shoved a twenty-four inch dildo up his ass, rupturing several of his internal organs and causing severe bleeding that killed him some time later.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to: XxxZesty LemonXxx, Flamespear, and Twistedkorn. And to all those who've been kind enough to favorite this story, I thank you. Review! Your ideas are my sustenance as a writer!**

**Twistedkorn: I totally used your idea.**

**XxxZesty LemonXxx: Loved what you said. I'll get on it as soon as possible.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

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><p><strong>141. Roller Coaster.<strong>

Ikkaku went to the world of the living with Yumichika one day to attend the spring festival, which was taking place. He reluctantly boarded the roller coaster ride alone because his homosexual friend had gotten caught up in the line behind Marechiyo, who was arguing to the human attendee about why he couldn't ride. The fair attendee tried to politely reason with Ohmaeda about the weight limit without saying to his face that his fucking fat ass would derail the roller coaster from the word "go". Ikkaku sighed as the small, confined car climbed the rail high above ground. It stopped at the edge of the steep drop, and Ikkaku cried out as a bird flew into his face. He stood up, spitting out feathers, and screamed as the cart suddenly plummeted and he was thrown from his seat. Ikkaku's carcass hit a concession stand somewhere below, where Yachiru had been pilfering some cotton candy. She laughed.

**142. Bungee jumping.**

Regrettably, the bungee cord was too long and Renji broke his face on the rocks below.

**143. Bear fight.**

Makizo Arimaki; you know who he is, right? The lame subordinate of the eleventh division that captured our fair Orihime in the Soul Society Arc? Yeah, him. He had the balls to pick a fight with a bear just so he could prove himself to his captain. Maki-Maki drew his sword, and for a moment we are just all going to stand and stare in awe as we wait in expectation for something amazing to happen. It does, but not in the way you think. The bear stood up on its hind legs and lashed out with a huge paw that took Makizo Arimaki's head clean off.

**144. Death by the Terminator. **

Arnold Schwarzenegger grabbed Szayel's balls and crushed them with his mighty strength because the pink faggot wasn't worthy of being called a man.

**145. Screwing with time.**

Hollow Ichigo, AKA Shirosaki, if you will, found out a good way to get rid of Ichigo forever and went back in time to the day of Ichigo's conception, and took a really damn big tazer to Isshin's nads, causing a rift in the space/time continuum.

**146. Hang-gliding.**

Ichigo was just floating along one day, hang-gliding, when the weather started to get bad. He ended up flying right into a tornado. Authorities and local residents found his battered corpse a few miles away.

**147. Aliens.**

Keigo had just miraculously proven the existence of aliens, due to the fact that their spacecraft was hovering over Karakura, and decided to join their pod.

"Aliens! I come...in peace!" he cried out from atop a building below the alien's mother ship. Unfortunately, the aliens took his words to mean some other bullshit and destroyed the world with a huge death ray thing using Keigo's stupid face as a crosshair.

**148. Space shuttle. **

Aaroniero was so fucking ugly during his first début that Tite Kubo kidnapped him and placed him under the space shuttle as it was taking off. What's-his-fish-tank face got incinerated from the fire that burst from the jets.

**149. The Golden Gate Bridge.**

Kenpachi decided to prove his strength as the most powerful captain and single-handedly lifted up the Golden Gate Bridge...while in the complete nude. Providentially, Kenpachi was the perfect picture of a naked god holding a mighty structure above his head. Regrettably, though, Yachiru came bounding by and started stuffing cotton candy between his legs while saying "You shouldn't run around naked, Kenny!" Suffice to say, the cotton candy itched and tickled like hell, and Kenpachi lost his grip. The Golden Gate Bridge crushed him.

**150. Snowboarding.**

Yoruichi was bored and it was snowing outside today, the precise and exact time she could be out doing something fun, so she drugged Kisuke with Rohypnol and snowboarded down a hillside on his rigid, intoxicated body. He died of hypothermia after one to many runs up and down the cliff.

**151. Punched in the face.**

"I...am a god!" Aizen announced to the world from atop the Eifel Tower. Jesus came out of nowhere and grabbed a handful of Aizen's faggy mullet before tearing it off. Aizen screamed and swore profanity left and right. "GAAAH!" he screamed, turning around to face Jesus. "So that's how it's gonna be, huh? YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?" Aizen gestured to his god-awful butterfly wings and his "third eye". Jesus drank a Red Bull. Red Bull was awesome. Red Bull gave Jesus wings. Jesus knocked Aizen's teeth in with his powerful left hook. But it didn't stop there, my friends. Jesus just continued to bash Aizen's face in and roasted him because he hadn't come down from his Red Bull high.

**152. Tite Kubo**

Tite Kubo gazed at the faggy low-life he'd created as Aizen stood there, unbeknownst to any and everyone, while he groomed his disgusting mullet. Tite Kubo got out a mini-gun and shot Aizen full of holes. He kept shooting him long after the bastard was dead, and got a grenade before throwing it at the remains of Aizen's corpse.

**153. The Amazon River. **

Urahara convinced Tessai to go bathing in the Amazon River for a day. Tessai screamed in agony as a group of homicidal piranhas came along and began ripping the flesh from his body and...well, you get the idea.

**154. Give Yachiru a gun. **

"Haha! Pretty boy, look at what I can do!" Yachiru giggled and held up the gun. Yumichika screamed as there was a bang, and his balls were gone.

He bled to death within minutes.

**155. Edward Cullen.**

Ichigo took one look at what critics said was a supposedly "sexy" picture of Edward Cullen, a.k.a, Robert Pattinson, and vomited all over the place. He then proceeded to bash his head into the table until he was bleeding all over the place and climbed on top of the roof of his home before throwing himself onto the pavement below, where he broke all the bones in his body. Ichigo still didn't die though. Isshin and his family stood by his hospital bed, hoping and praying that he would recover. Ichigo was covered in so many bandages you couldn't even tell he was the protagonist of Bleach anymore.

"Don't worry big brother!" Yuzu wailed. "I brought a picture of Edward to keep you company!" Yuzu then proceeded to bring out a big-ass poster of Edward Cullen. The heart monitor flat-lined and Ichigo's heart stopped for good.

**156. Pencil.**

Chojiro Sasikibe, lieutenant of squad 1, stayed over late at the barracks that evening doing paperwork. Nothing he did could aid his fatigue or delay his need for sleep. Eventually, something had to give, and Sasikibe slumped forward on his desk, effectively driving the end of his pencil through his eye and killing him.

**157. Toilet. **

Las Noches had a library. It served multiple purposes, not only for the convenience of loitering, but because Szayel had been pesturing Aizen for months now for literature from the world of the living to expand his knowledge. Szayel had recently become engrossed in a book called "Twilight", and from time to time he could be seen walking down the hall, muttering Bella's lines under his breath with unbridled passion. Tosen would often see Nnoitora in the self-help section, looking at the _Sex for Dummies _and marveling at the difficult sex positions that he would no doubt use to molest Tesla. Tosen often wandered off to the only unoccupied section in the libarary, which dealt with law. He would have enjoyed reading the human world's tactics in justice if not for the fact that the men's bathroom had been ostensibly placed above said section. Therefore, each obnoxious flush of the toilet above Tosen could be heard with alarming regularity what seemed like every five minutes or so. One day, Yammy decided to visit the men's bathroom. He had never been in there before and he had to take a shit something terrible now. All the male Arrancar had taken the opportunity to draw graffiti all over the bland, concrete walls, tagging their names in places and drawing provocative quotes or portrayals of rape in the stalls. At that moment, a cramp seized Yammy and he rushed into one of the stalls. Unfortunately, Yammy had put on a little weight over the week, the architect who'd built the library had done a rather poor job of the flooring, so when he sat down on the porcelain throne, the 10th espeda and the toilet went right through the floor. Tosen, who had the misfortune of being right under them at the time, was crushed by the toilet and Yammy. Yammy himself was so startled that he shit himself right there. The end.

**158. Taco Bell. **

Keigo went to Taco Bell one day and decided to use his savings to buy himself something tasty. Adversely, the Taco Bell cashier wasn't having a good day and had been told earlier that day that he was going to be fired. "Ummm...Ummm. Okay, just a sec...I think I got it," Keigo said, stalling. Meanwhile, the line was getting longer behind Keigo while he stalled to figure out his order. "I think I want...No, not that."

"Will you fucking make up your mind?" the cashier shrieked, startling everyone there. Keigo blinked. "Okay. I want a number 3 and 4," he decided.

After about another minute weight, Keigo's order came along. "But this isn't what I wanted," he whined. "You screwed my order up!"

The Taco Bell cashier gritted his teeth. "Listen, asshole, I don't run the joint. It's grease, it's fat, it clogs your arteries and is practically processed mush. It's all the same, and after eating a couple hundred of these, you're gonna end up like the chick behind you." Keigo turned to look at the morbidly obese woman behind him, who swore curses at the cashier and turned to waddle away. "I'll have you know I'm on an excellent diet. I just want you to fix my order." At that moment, somewhere in his mind, the cashier lost what goodwill he had left. He pulled out a gun and shot Keigo before turning to his co-workers and screaming "You can't fire me! I QUIT!" And with that, he put the gun to his head and shot his brains out. Two birds with one stone.

**159. Getting thrown into an ant pit. **

Nnoitora entered a contest to prove to Aizen that he had incredible endurance. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra stripped him down in the nude in front of him. "What the hell?" Nnoitora cried, and was promptly shoved in a pit of flesh-eating ants. He screamed and thrashed as they began to eat him, and after a thousand bites to every square inch of his body and being forced to watch certain precious parts of himself being devoured, the ants got bored and gobbled his eye up.

**160. Being thrown into the sun.**

Ichigo was incinerated into dust...which is mildly disappointing.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Certain recent events had led me to delete Death by Amy Whinehouse, which was what I'd first written for 163.**

**I had created it before her death, and when I looked at it again afterwards, I figured it would be very disrespectful and automatically omitted it. So as to not disappoint, I have replaced it.**

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><p><strong>161. Quick sand.<strong>

Isshin was taking his kids on a while safari adventure when he accidentally ran into a pit of quick sand. Ichigo, Rukia, Karin, and Yuzu watched as he slowly began sinking, while at the same time panicking like crazy. "Somebody do something!" he wailed. "Ichigo!" Isshin reached out to his son, who just stared at him rather boredly. "I'm not getting in that," he said simply. Yuzu cried of course, begging them to save her father. Karin was getting irritated at the old man's hollering and snapped. "Why don't you get your self the hell out already? I'm hungry!" Rukia brightened, having been pacing and thinking of a way to save Ichigo's dolt of a father. "I know! Grab that vine above you!" Isshin looked up, distress now waning, and reached up from where he was now waist-deep in the quick sand, and grabbed the aforementioned vine, which was actually a snake. The snake hissed and began strangling Isshin.

"I'm bored. Let's go back into town," Ichigo yawned, and went back the way he'd come. His siblings followed, leaving Isshin to die.

**162. The Big Bang. **

The Big Bang Theory, a theory made by scientists and many other people alike, supposedly gave us life...until one day another Big Bang came along and the world imploded, killing everyone in Bleach.

**163. Death by mothers. **

I was out with my mom one day shopping in a local grocery market when I noticed this peculiar looking man standing close by me looking at the American food with faint disgust. I could tell he was foreign. I also happened to know that he was from the hit T.V. show Bleach. He was Kensei Muguruma. Frankly, to tell the truth, whenever I look at Kensei, I get the notion that he's not a people person and is so uptight that the only thing keeping his back so straight is the stick up his ass. It was all I could do just to not shrink away in repulsion when he glanced in my direction. "What are _you _looking at?" he growled.

I screamed. "MOMMY, HE TOUCHED ME IN A BAD PLACE! HE TOUCHED ME DOWN THERE!" I flailed around, realistic tears galore falling down my face.

Half a dozen other mothers that were there in the market with their children and babies glared daggers at Kensei.

"No, I-" he started. A baseball bat flew out of nowhere and hit Kensei in the face. My mom swung the baseball bat into his stomach, knocking the breath out of him. A black woman strutted over with a baby on her arm and sucker punched him. "So you like touching kids, white boy?" she spat at him from where he lay on the floor. All the other mothers and mothers-to-be filed in line and beat Kensei to a bloody pulp. He died of trauma on the way to the hospital. He also died because the EMT was a pregnant woman in her first trimester, and when she found out that he was pedophile, she stabbed him in the eye with a syringe. (My mom's nice and all, but, damn, can she be hell on wheels.)

**164. Umbilical cord.**

The umbilical cord wrapped around poor Ichi's neck before he was born. Basically, he died.

**165. Playing with Sasquatch.**

Keigo wanted to prove to everyone that Sasquatch was real, so he got a tazor and some tranquilizer darts and went into the woods. It was a cold December morning when Keigo discovered Sasquatch out on the frozen lake, kicking a small rock around on the ice with a rather thick stick. Keigo was awed by the beast's capability to use tools and went up to him. Sasquatch saw him coming and stayed where he was, though remaining weary. "Hey, big guy. You wanny play some hockey, huh? You wanna? Cuz I can teach you," Keigo said, approaching him cautiously with a blowgun in his back pocket.

Sasquatch stood at a distance, watching in apparant delight as Keigo picked up a branch of his own and carefully slid the rock across the ice with it.

"Alright...I'll let you go first, 'kay?" Sasquatch nodded, and Keigo skidded out onto the vast expanse of ice while reaching into his back pocket for the dartgun. At that particular moment, Sasquatch chose to swing his stick of choice, hitting the rock with amazing strength and causing it to strike Keigo in the head. Sasquatch noticed that his opponent was out of commission and wandered off. Keigo died some time later of blood loss, hemorrhaging, and hypothermia.

**166. Watching paint dry.**

Kisuke Urahara was indeed a strange man, but an even stranger man when he chose to make a decision that may be detrimental to one's health.

When Kisuke decided to renovate his shop, his employers didn't utter a single word as to whether it was odd or not when he decided to stay in each room to watch the paint dry. Kisuke would sit there for endless periods of time, just staring at the sheen of the eggshell white paint as it, slowly, over time, began to dry. One day, when Tessai came in to check on him, he noticed that Kisuke had fallen over from his cross-legged position on the floor. Apparantly, he'd died from lack of sleep, dehydration, and starvation. But look at the bright side: his shop got renovated to perfection.

**167. Death by thumb tack.**

Marechiyo had been, more than on one occasion, accused of being an airhead. He was arrogant and rude, and he was very full of himself. Suffice to say, he was overconfident, and his looks and the tacky jewelry he owned only added to this fact. Yachiru planted a thumb tack on Marechiyo's chair because she was worried that if he added on any more "air" to his head, then eventually it would center in his thighs and expel through his ass in such a manner that would kill him. Marechiyo was wandering to his office one day, muttering under his breath about how he'd been rebuked and cursed at by his captain over the fact that he'd taken a dump in the shitter, as was its intended purpose, and left a horrendous gift for one of the Soul Reapers because the toilet had died, engorged with said shit. The porcelain throne wasn't so porcelain anymore, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Marechiyo came in as per usual and sat down, swallowed a book of the Wizard of Oz, and died melting and screaming as the pain in his ass became so atrocious that he began shitting his pants. One thumb tack wouldn't have been so bad, you see, but Yachiru had taken it upon herself to place _two hundred _thumb tacks there on his chair.

The agony was too much for Marechiyo's precious ass, and too much for the strain on his bowels. Marechiyo shit his pants so fast he could have held a place in the Guiness Book of World Records. He shit so much that Satan would have keeled over. He shit so much that the suicide rate in America would have shot sky high. Marechiyo Ohmeada shit himself so much that he turned into a pile of defication. The end.

**168. Death by Mike Tyson.**

Marechiyo was going to his favorite candy store in Seireitei one day when he came across Mike Tyson, who had died in the world of the living due to old age. Mike Tyson didn't like Marechiyo's face. Mike Tyson punched Marechiyo in the gut and his innards spurted out of his ass.

**167. Death by Mike Tyson 2.**

After extensive surgery in squad 4 due to his injuries from Mike Tyson's epic-ness, Marechiyo was released from the recovery ward so he could return to his duties. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Seireitei, Mike Tyson's strength had become so legendary that he'd been elected by squad 11 to become their captain. Mike Tyson's awesome-ness was so great that there isn't a squad 11 anymore, so he was sent to squad 2. Soi Fon liked Mike Tyson so much that she decided to replace Marechiyo with him. Marechiyo didn't like that, so he challenged Mike Tyson to a duel. When Marechiyo stepped into the ring, he smirked upon noticing that Mike wasn't carrying a sword. The fat-ass drew his weapon and stepped forward. Mike Tyson stepped forward and threw a giant fist at Marechiyo so quickly it got a place in the Guiness Book of World Records. Mike Tyson punched Marechiyo in the throat, causing his esophogus and throat to collapse as parts of his spleen exited out the back of his neck. Marechiyo was lieutenant of squad 2 no more. Mike Tyson remained a legend.

**168. Going out on a blind date with a serial killer. **

Momo Hinamori was notoriously well known for being a book worm...and for being one of few mature females to still have her virginity. Rangiku and the others teased her, while a few dissimilar individuals sympathized with the neurotic girl. Momo had just been promoted to a high ranked seated position among the court guard squads when her friends arranged her for a blind date; being too meek to reject the offer, she complied. Momo dressed averagely for the evening and departed from her dorm room. Gin Ichimaru liked to think of himself as _sensational _when he did his work; he liked the word _lurid _so much better, though. He wasn't at all taken aback when Aizen informed him that he was to be going out on a blind date that had originally been intended for Sosuke Aizen himself. Sosuke Aizen didn't like surprises, and he didn't really like Momo Hinamori either. A slip of the lips from Rangiku and Momo's name was all it had taken for him to decide right on the spot that his answer was "no". So Gin went on this "bind date", and even though he'd been somewhat aversed to the idea, he found he actually _liked _this affair of sorts. The food alone was worth it...simply because it was a buffet and he got everything he could possibly eat...and it was all going on Aizen's tab. Gin didn't really get to contemplate the guilt- if there was any- because it was at that time that Momo Hinamori walked in. The restaraunt itself was of the most expensive in Seireitei, so, naturally, one was expected to dress elegantly. But we aren't here to discuss Momo's fashion style, or, for that matter, Gin's. Gin Ichimaru had a pretty good idea why Aizen hadn't told him who his blind date was now. _All the more reason...to eat you, _he thought. Gin was a serial killer; he'd killed plenty of people for Aizen; he'd killed plenty of people for himself, and he'd also killed plenty of people simply because it was fun. Momo Hinamori's fate, however, was bound for a different path. A waiter who was balancing a platter of crystal glasses full of alcoholic contents didn't see Momo over his burden and ran straight into her. The glass wear toppled and shattered on the floor. Momo, who was pirouetting about, trying in vain to regain her balance, tripped out of her sandals and stepped onto the sharp shards of glass, of which cut through her socks. She then proceeded to fall face first into a pile of glass, which alternatively sliced through her eyes, bleeding her out and killing her. Everyone just screamed while Gin remained still among the chaos, staring at Momo's corpse. _Well _that _was anticlimatic, _he thought. After a moment more of blank staring, Gin Ichimaru got up and walked out of the restaraunt with his plate of food, smiling from ear to ear.

**169. Accidentally jogging into a battlefield.**

Marechiyo Ohmaeda, AKA "lard" or just "fat ass", decided it was time he shed some pounds, so he went out on a run that he'd postponed earlier that day so he could gorge on some twinkies and rice chips. In the beginning, after a few feet, Marechiyo Ohmaeda was an ordinary person; after sixty feet, he was looking quite flushed, his bulbous belly and chest heaving; but after over 100 feet he was keeling over, sweat pouring down his face, knees wobbly, complexion so red one would have mistaken him to be going into heat stroke. He hyperventilated, gasping for air that his puny lungs wouldn't give, and stumbled off the trail, tripped over a tree root, and fell off the side of a very steep cliff. Marechiyo Ohmaeda went hurtling down the hill at a max of ten miles per hour, hitting a total of 2 oaks and 5 other unknown trees before slamming into a small poplar tree, snapping it in half with his crotch as he skidded down the hill on his fat ass. Marechiyo swore he lost one of his nuts, and maybe his dick itself too.

He crushed one squirrel, killed a rabbit, suffered some severe pain and dislocated his arm before he fell off another precipice and landed safely in a bed of dandelions. But it didn't stop there my friends. Oh no. On his perilous journey down the steep hill, Marechiyo had hit a hollow log which had been home to a giant bee hive. Suffice to say, the hollow log had traveled down with Marechiyo, and the bees wanted Marechiyo dead. He screamed and ran like hell, unaware as to where he was headed until he jogged out into a field...where coincidentally some squad members from an anonymous squad were brawling with squad 11 in a match over who was the strongest. Almost everyone was dead or half-alive except for one blood soaked figure who stood among the reckage; said figure turned when Marechiyo came upon the scene. "Ah! A survivor!" Kenpachi crowed with glee.

"Aw, c'mon, Kenny! Let me at 'im! Please" a bubble gum haired girl cried from atop the man's shoulder. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, alright. Go ahead."

Yachiru giggled and did a slick shunpo maneuver before ending up on Marechiyo's shoulder. Basically, Yachiru tore Marechiyo's head off with her bare hands before throwing it over to Kenpachi. "Ugh, disgusting," Kenpachi said, glaring at the look of shock on Marechiyo's dead head before slicing it in half.

**170. Camels.**

Renji didn't like camels; they stank, they had bad breath, and they even looked ugly. He absolutely loathed camels, and he told this to Rukia when Ichigo's family went on a trip to Egypt. Isshin and the others had wandered off to talk to a stout old man with crooked teeth who, incidentally, couldn't speak Japanese. Renji was left standing next to the camel pin. He wrinkled his nose at the beasts' stench and huffed, waving his fan around in vain in order to try and cool himself down, only to stir up more of the desert's hot, arid air. He only glanced once to the old man's teenage servant boy, who helped with the camels' upkeeping and supposedly did chores. Renji made the mistake of turning his back on the Egyptian boy as he opened the door to the camels' pin, causing the animals to go wild at the mistaken invitation for freedom. The boy cried out as he was pushed aside by the camels, whom stampeded him as they ran for the exit. Renji, of course, screamed, cursing himself for never getting laid or never finishing that porno magazine before one of the camels nailed him in the face with its back hoofs, sending him flying into the barbed wire covering the camel's pin. Renji died instantly.

**171. (epic awesomeness!*) Getting stabbed by a three year old. **

Yachiru giggled, wildly stabbing Marechiyo in the gut before running out his office, leaving his gored carcass behind. Awhile later, Nanao saw Yachiru running around soaked in crimson, waving something around in her hand. Nanao smiled; it looked like Yachiru had finally gotten over behind angry about Byakuya's refusal to give her sweets. She looked so cute with red popsicle juice all over her uniform, but, Nanao inwardly chastised, she better eat the cold treat before it melted. A few hours later, Yumichika confronted Yachiru about the crimson "popsicle", only to begin screaming hysterically, alerting all of squad 11 when he discovered that it was actually Marechiyo's dick.

**172. Getting shot to death with a BB gun. **

Kenpachi got Yachiru a BB gun for her Christmas. The body sent later that day to Mayuri's morgue was shot so full of holes and so blue due to hypothermia and the subjects extended time in the snow that poor Marechiyo was never identified. Soi Fon never even realized he was gone. No one missed him, really.

**173. Getting stabbed in the back with a carrot.**

Sajin Komamura was a canine, so it was only logical that he like meat. He did, however, dislike carrots. Chojiro Sasikibe made the mistake of sending Sajin carrots as a get well gift when he was down with the flu, and he had also made the mistake of listening to Yachiru, who said that "doggy" really liked the aforementioned vegetable. Komamura was so pissed that he stormed down to squad 1's barracks and stabbed Sasikibe in the back with a carrot.

Chojiro lived, but was paralyzed from the waist down and became useless as a warrior and as a lieutenant. Mayuri laughed manically as he lowered the former vice captain down onto the cold, hard steel table. "Patient appears to still be sensitive to temperature," he mused. "How does this feel?"

Mayuri took a lit cigerrette and pressed it into Chojiro's cheek, causing him to shriek and spew vile curses that I dare not mention here. "Oh? You didn't like that? Well how about this?" Mayuri picked up a giant scythe from out of nowhere and lopped off Sasikibe's dick. "Nemu! Go put this in the grinder!" the captain ordered, tossing the severed appendage to the girl. Later, Mayuri got bored of Chojiro Sasikibe's screames of tormet and just threw his entire body into the grinder. Later, Sajin Komamura found a big bowl of mince meat on his front door. He ate it, of course, not knowing that he was devouring the former lieutenant of squad 1.

**174. Getting your ass stapled shut.**

Marechiyo got his ass stapled shut while he was drunk one night. The pain the following morning was atrocious, but so was the agony his hangover brought, so he didn't think much of it until later. Put simply, Marechiyo couldn't take a shit, the pain was so great. Eventually, Marechiyo imploded, blood and guts painting the walls of his office. Nobody ever figured out who had stapled the lieutenant's ass shut in the first place.

**175. Slipping in dog shit.**

Renji was walking around in Karakura after being offered a mission when, suddenly, he slipped in dog shit and suffered a minor concussion. He groaned, rolling over off of the sidewalk, and got crushed by a semi truck that was rolling by along the road.

**176. Murdered by Mr. Rogers.**

"It's a wonderful day in my neighborhood, a lovely day in the neighborhood," Isshin sang, gayly swinging his arms around as he walked down the street. Suddenly, Isshin spotted another man walking in his direction and waved; this male had a solid yet bent frame, with graying hair and wrinkles around his eyes and cheeks from smiling. "Hello, sir! It'a wonderful day in the neighborhood, isn't it?" The man's bitter, detached eyes swerved to his own.

"Fuck you, asshole! Does it look like I'm having a good day? Does it? I'm having a shitty day, so go to hell! You'd like a piece of Mr. Rogers, wouldn't you! I swear to god, if someone says have a wonderful day in the neighborhood, I'll tear my hair out, set myself on fire, and throw myself out a fucking window!"

With that, Mr. Rogers got out a shotgun and shot Isshin twice in the chest, thus killing him.

**178. Jump roping with razor wire.**

Rangiku accepted a dare to see how many times she could jump a razor wire. Unfortunately, her humongous breasts kept getting in the way and she got sliced and diced into cubes of meat that became a popular brand of cat food.

**179. Death by origami.**

Ichigo sat there for hours staring at the folded piece of paper. The piece of paper stared back. One wrong move and the whole process of origami went to shit. Ichigo died of brain failure.

**180. Death by hairdo. **

Love was a vaizard now, once captain of squad 7. He had an impeccable afro, and held a enormous amount of pride for it. However, it took alot of grooming to keep such a wonderous masterpiece in check. In the end, Love would regret not trimming the damn shrub down to size. Before he went to bed, Love read some manga, brushed his teeth, and, of course, groomed his hair before hitting the hay. Love's afro of death somehow engulfed his face while he was sleeping and murdered him.

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><p><strong>AN: *I realize that Yachiru's not a three-year-old, but she was as close to it as I could get. Now, after that entire chapter of awesome-ness you must review. And don't lie. I know you laughed. I know I did. 171 is my favorite. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to all my dear reviewers and those who have favorited this story. I would like to please plead to those who read this to at least give me some suggestions to add to this story. I would most definitely use them, and they would be very appreciated. If not, then I might have to put this on hiatus until further notice or when I get more ideas. Be kind! (I mean be kind to me, not the characters in the story. You can kill them in any manner you want. I won't mind. :)**

**I don't own Bleach.**

**Also, I'm aware that some of these are brutal. Don't blame me, blame my brother. He's the one who concocted some of these. If they're offensive in any way, flame me or praise the gore.**

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><p><strong>181. Death by dissection. <strong>

"And now we move to the subject's genitals," Mayuri said, moving down. Szayel screamed as he woke up to discover himself strapped down to a metal table naked. "Uh-oh, it appears the sedation drug has worn off. Well, I can't administer more in the middle of dissection now, can I? Oh well."

Mayuri suddenly lopped of Szayel's dick with his scalpel and began slapping him in the face with it. "Subject appears to be in shock," he mused.

Szayel's eyes rolled up into the back of his head and passed out from blood loss. He died of extreme emo-ness and major blood loss.

**182. Death by Yu-Gi-Oh**

"That is so ugly," Yumichika said, as he watched Yugi pirouette about on the battle field after playing the _Dark Magician. _He lifted his own duel disk.

"I play the _Homosexual!" _Yumichika declared. The _Homosexual _had _3000 _ATK. The _Homosexual _murdered the _Dark Magician. _

The _Homosexual _turned around and gobbled Yumichika up. (This was...extremely random.)

**183. Death by nailgun.**

In a dillusional fit, Hinamori mistook a nailgun for Aizen. Let's just say the results weren't pretty.

**184. Death by strobe light.**

All the Arrancars of Hueco Mundo went to a rave party. Music blared throughout the underground club as the multicolored strobe lights pulsed over the dancing figures below. Unfortunately, Aaroniero was super-sensitive to strobe lights. "AAAAAAH! MY EYES! MY EYES ARE BURNING!" Aaroniero screamed, writhing around in the center of the dance floor. All the viewers backed up in awe, unable to hear the poor bastard's screeches over the deafening tunes and mistaking his twisting and thrashing for a new dance maneuver called the "flopping fish". Eventually, everyone became bored of his same routine and found other interesting things to do. By the following morning, Aaroniero's eyes were scrambled eggs, and so were his brains.

**185. In a meth lab.**

"All things in the universe turn to ashes! Ryuujin Jaka!" Yamamoto, the chief of police, exclaimed. Szayel's meth lab blew sky high. His cooked carcass was found a block down the road.

**186. By Helen Keller.**

Ichigo was given an assignment by his school to care for adolescent disabled persons for the week. He was appointed to Helen Keller, who was both blind and deaf. Her caretaker used sign language in her palm, telling her that Ichigo would like to shake her hand. The girl nodded, thrusting her hand forward and waiting. Ichigo grasped her tiny fingers, and as soon as he did so, she grasped her cane and hit him over the head with it. He yelped, falling into a crumpled heap on the floor. Helen Keller straddled his lap. "I'm a two time champion for disabled women's wrestling, bitch!" she spat, and punched him in the face. All the handicapped children gathered around, cheering her on. A black kid who was in a wheelchair joined in, shouting "Pown his ass!"

Helen did a flip onto a nearby chair and did a body slam on Ichigo, who shrieked like a girl and tried desperately to crawl away. Helen Keller grabbed the chair and smashed it to pieces over his head. Ichigo didn't get back up.

**187. Death by holy water.**

A preist randomly walked up to Aizen and, thinking he was a demon, splashed him with holy water. "Begone, foul demon!" he declared. Aizen screamed, thrashing about as the holy water burned him. It turned out Aizen was allergic to holy water and his esophagus swelled up until he couldn't breathe. The end.

**187. Death by stapler.**

Ikkaku got Yachiru a stapler for christmas. Unfortunately, it had the opposite results as hoped for, much to his chagrin. He'd originally prayed that Yachiru would have a fatal accident so he could have a day of peace to himself where she wasn't gnawing on his head, but, alas, the pink-haired terror was much too intelligent. She slept with that stapler, ate with the stapler, and bathed with the stapler. Ikkaku was suicidal by the end of the week until Yachiru approached him while he was lounging at his desk. "Cue-ball-head, look at what my stapler can do!" He sighed as Yachiru jumped up into his lap.

"What?" he spat, annoyed. The vice-captain then proceeded to punch the end of the stapler into his forehead, effectively driving a staple into his skin.

"GAAAAAH!" Ikkaku screamed. A startling howl of agony unbalanced the hush tranquility of the 11th barracks as Yachiru whacked Ikkaku in the eye with the stapler. "MY EYE!" he bellowed. "SOMEONE HELP ME! MEDIIIIC!" Enjoying the 3rd seat's reaction, Yachiru giggled and jumped up and down on his lap, smacking the stapler down between her legs and stapling his dick by accident. She then proceeded to lean forward and staple his bald head hundreds of times. Unintentionally, Yachiru also stapled Ikkaku's tongue when he tried to shriek for help again. Let's just say that Ikkaku's death was a very slow and painful one.

**188. Death by Jaws.**

Hachi screamed. Hachi swam. Hachi had a coronary. Jaws ate Hachi. Jaws vomited Hachi back up into the ocean and swam away.

**189. Death by Pikachu (**_**Pokemon**_**).**

"Go get 'im, Pikachu!" Shinji called out, throwing the _Pokeball _at his enemy, which was some random Hollow. Pikachu materialized in front of his enemy and looked at the Hollow. "Attack, Pikachu!" Shinji ordered, getting frustrated. Pikachu sat there for a moment longer and stared at the Hollow. The Hollow stared back. "Pikachu!" Aggitation laced the former captain's voice. Pikachu turned and looked at Shinji. "Fuck you, bitch. You go get 'im!" Pikachu said, and electrocuted Shinji.

**190. Being killed by someone who looks like you...Texas Chainsaw Massacre style.**

Ichigo's car broke down on a lonely, country road. He walked down to a nearby house that sat off in the distance and knocked politely on the door, hoping that he would find someone generous enough to fix his vehicle. He stood there for a while, waiting, when suddenly a chainsaw split right through the door and sliced him in half. Shirosaki walked out and dragged the body parts back into his house.

**191. Death by frisbee.**

Medieval frisbee: Mayuri's new invention. It was a simple iron frisbee with spikes potruding from around the rim. They were distributed to the Men's Association. Hanataro got one as well. He didn't really need a medieval frisbee, so he just simply threw it over his shoulder. It hit the shingles on a roof, rolled down onto another nearby, conjoined roof, and fell down 40 or so feet. Marechiyo, who was simply walking by, looked up at the sky just in time for the frisbee to hit his face, the long spikes driving right into his face and skull and killing him.

**192. Death by the Joker, from **_**Dark Knight. **_**(I don't own **_**Dark Knight**_**).**

"Now, I'm going to perform a magic trick," the Joker said, standing before all the male lieutenants. He pulled out a simple pencil and rammed it into the table before him so that it was standing upright. "I'm going to make this pencil...disappear!" The Joker grabbed Ikakku, who was standing nearby, spectating, and slammed his head down onto the pencil, effectively driving it into his skull. "Tada! It's...magic!" The Joker crowed, waving his hands around.

**193. Death by cosmetics.**

An add had been put into the paper, offering a great sum of money for anyone willing to try out a new brand of face cream. The Arrancar played rock-paper-scissors over it. Szayel won and went to try it out. Unfortunately, he had a terrible allergic reaction to it which killed him. Mayuri had invented the face cream, so it was sort of expected.

**194. Death by exercise. **

Hachigen went on an extreme training regimine in order to lose some weight. He was on the treadmill for only 30 minutes before he had a massive coronary and dropped dead.

**195. Voodoo doll. **

Renji and Uryu were battling against Szayel when he revealed his true power in the form of dolls that looked exactly like their real bodies- though in a very demented fashion. He was contemplating tormenting them in the form of physical affliction, when he changed his mind. Szayel took Uryu's doll, pulled his garments aside, and, quite austerely, began having sex with it. Uryu felt all of this of course, and died right there of a mental breakdown.

**196. Death by being eaten alive.**

Cannibals came over to Shinji's place for a play date. They promptly stabbed him to death with forks and ate him.

**197. Nuclear bomb.**

Enough said.

**198. Garbage disposal. **

Wonderweiss had gotten a ring. The ring was plastic and had come from a vending machine, but it was shiny and it served its purpose of fascination. On the day he received this ring from the living world, the Arrancars were taking place in a common bout.

All the Arrancars took turns cleaning the dishes, and if decent negotiation didn't work, then they disputed it or settled the matter by way of rock-paper-scissors. This time, they took the easiest way out: shouldering their duties onto someone stupid enough not to argue. In this case, Wonderweiss. Tosen wasn't around to defend him, so Wonderweiss went about doing the duty he'd been given. The soap was slippery and his ring a size too big, so as he was transferring the dish from one side of the sink to the other, his accessory slipped off and fell into the garbage disposal. Wonderweiss put his hand down the aforementioned disposal, not noticing that Nnoitora was sneaking up behind him. The 5th Espeda flipped on the switch and heard loud screams fill the room as Wonderweiss lost his hand, then his elbow, then his arm...Put simply, the blades mutilated everything up to his shoulder. Nnoitora fled the scene as Wonderweiss bled to death.

**199. Jail.**

As punishment for his crime against Soul Society, Aizen was sent to prison...in the human world. He was then raped repeatedly until he died of massive butt hurt and shame.

**200. Nicotine. (Never smoke, kiddies.)**

Ichigo took up smoking and a good 20 years was shaved off his life. He got cancer, developed respiratory problems, and died at a relatively young age.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to: vampire13princess, TrueOblivion, praeses, xXNightlyRainXx, Fried Chicken, Dirtyspots, and all my other faithful reviewers. Thank you all so much for your ideas.**

**A hiatus still may be imminent, but for now I've stalled it. No matter how gory or wacky, submit your ideas, and I will gladly use them. 500 is still a long way away. For now, enjoy!**

**I don't own Bleach.**

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><p><strong>201. Being demoted.<strong>

Ichigo was reduced to a sham of the former Ichigo: a hobo. He wandered out into the street one day and got hit by a semi, sending his carcass flying a few feet into the air before he landed in a garbage can.

**202. Introduction to gay porn sites. **

Renji screamed and clawed his eyes out.

**203. Death by rock-paper-scissors.**

Shirosaki was bored just staying in Ichigo's inner world, so he decided to play a trivial game with Zangetsu. "Scissors!" Shirosaki declared.

Zangetsu stabbed Shirosaki with a pair of scissors.

**204. Death by chopsticks. (No, not **_**Tchaikovsky**_**'s ****Chopsticks.****)**

Aaroniero was, for the umpteenth time that day, listening to Tosen ramble on about _justice _while all the _Espada _ate lunch. Aaroniero didn't necessarily have need for any significant substance that Aizen could provide unless he was in another form where he didn't have this blasted tank for a head.

He didn't see how he could eat anyway with Tosen's babble. "I think we should kill him," the bottom head said.

"_Yes_," said the other. Aaroniero stood up and stabbed Tosen in the neck with his chopsticks. There was a gurgle as blood spilled out of the wound, and then the former captain's head hit the table. Everyone began murmuring thanks and praise to Aaroniero as he exited the room.

"I was getting fucking sick of hearing his shit," Starrk grumbled, and continued eating.

**205. Mistaken for trash. **

The garbage truck was coming that morning, so Grimmjow exited his apartment building with a bag of offending smelling trash and kicked it to the curb where it belonged. He heard a dull roar and the purr of the old familiar engine as the dump truck steered around the corner. He heard the screech of the brakes as the large vehicle came to a halt, and a man jumped off the back and walked over to him. "Trash," Ulquiorra said, and picked Grimmjow up before throwing him into the back of the truck, where he was crushed and suffocated by impeding amounts of moldy pizza and garbage bags.

**206. Death by the Boogeyman. *For Jereomy***

Hanataro had never had problems going to bed before. He had a nightlight that didn't provide much illumination to his room, but he otherwise had no qualms about what might be in his closet or under his bed when he came home later in the evening. However, after a fleeting visit to the world of the living and being coerced by Ichigo into seeing a horror movie at the theaters, his irrational fears came into being. Thus the Boogeyman was born.

You can imagine that the Boogeyman had a pretty shitty job, scaring children for a career, but it was quite another thing to scare someone who was already dead. He snuck into Hanataro's closet, as per usual, watched as the meek boy came into his room, changed his clothes, had something to eat, then retired for the night. Then, just as he was about to jump out for his debut, the Boogeyman did something he'd never done before: he tripped.

The Boogeyman tripped, stumbled out of the closet, and landed on his face. A disgrace. Feeling utterly shamed, he pulled himself to his feet and shook himself off. "Alright, alright! Laugh your fucking ass off!" he said. "Go ahead!" He stomped his feet like a child in the throes of a tantrum, and spit forth quite a few explitives for good measure. It took him a good while before he noticed that Hanataro was already dead. He'd died of a heart-attack as soon as the Boogeyman tripped out of the closet.

**207. Charlotte Culhourne. (Dedicated To Those Who Wondered Where Tite's humanity Went When He Created Charlotte.)**

The side effects of looking at Charlotte: You will never get the image out of your head; it will be branded there FOREVER. Ichigo looked at the sign. He took his chances and pulled the curtain aside.

"HOLY CHRIST!" Ichigo screamed, turning around and running into Renji. "I NEED THE POPE! GET ME THE POPE! I NEED HOLY WATER!" Renji took one look over Ichigo's shoulder, and all the cotton candy and popcorn he'd eaten at the fair came rushing up. He vomited all over the front of Ichi's shirt.

Separately, Ichigo died of brain failure because his mind couldn't take the stress of the sight he'd seen. Renji had a heart attack.

**208. Pool drain.**

Shuhei went swimming one day in a local pool. The majority of the people were sunbathing, some just drifted on floatable devices in the deep end of the pool. He swam down to the bottom, trying to practice holding his breath before he went to swim laps. Unbeknowst to everyone's knowledge, someone flipped the pool drain on. Shuhei glided too close to the drain, and gasped as he was sucked into it. He got a mouthful of water, but before he drowned, his skin was torn from his body shortly following his organs, killing him. All the little kids screamed as they saw blood and gore fill the water. They were tramautized for life.

**209. Swordfish.**

Ganju went out to learn how to fish. He boarded a shrimp boat and set out to sea. However, when his hook caught on something, a swordfish jumped from the brackish waters and impaled him in the face.

**210. Meteorite 2. **

Ichigo was walking along one day when he saw something shiny on the pavement. "Oh, a penny!" he said with delight. A meteorite landed on top of him.

**211. Combine harvester.**

Renji was a country man. He hated the smell of cow shit in the morning, he overall disliked watching roosters mate provactively with hens on his front lawn, and he loathed nothing but the same old eggs and bacon for breakfast every morning. He wanted pancakes, dammit. But he learned do deal with what fate gave him. Still, there were some days that all Renji wanted to do was piss and moan and curse about the lifestyle he'd accepted.

One such morning was when his combine harvester spluttered and died of old age. He took his rustic box of tools out to the barn and labored for half an hour on the damned machine. He went around the monster and turned her on. She cranked to life for a moment, blades whirring, and then she spluttered once more, faltered, and then died again. Renji cursed, walking around to the front of the machine and kicking the combines. Automatically, and without warning, the massive contraption came to life and ate Renji's feet. He screamed, clawing at the hay-covered ground as the combine began drawing him in, eating his entire left leg. "You wanna piece of me? You wanna piece of me?" he shrieked. "No, not that piece!" Renji clawed even more frantically at the ground as the serrated blades neared his manhood. The combine harvester took that, too. Renji's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he died.

**212. Drowning in a pool of your own tears.**

Momo had cried for some time after Aizen had stabbed her with his zanpaku-to. She had gotten many heart-felt and sympathetic visits from comrades, associates, and buddies alike. Most faces she could barely distinguish anymore amongst that of whom she was most acquainted with.

She hadn't forgotten Gin Ichimaru, though. It was late in the evening when Gin snuck into Momo's room and auspiciously crossed the floor without making a sound. He spotted Momo crouched next to her bed, over a pool of her tears. Gin didn't even say a word, he just walked right over, pushed the girl aside, and sat right on top of her, effectively pushing her nose into the puddle. The former 3rd _taicho _sighed, leaning back onto Momo's spine, and pulled out a book and commenced reading. Meanwhile, Momo drowned.

**213. Death by lilipad. (I am ashamed, but my brother made fun of the idea and I couldn't resist.)**

"Bankai!" Kaien cried. A giant lilipad came out of nowhere and crushed Rukia. "Rukia?" Kaien said pitifully.

**214. Death by prosthetic limb.**

Kukaku's prosthetic limb turned on her while she was sleeping and strangled her.

**215. Death by eraser.**

Tite Kubo had made a mistake while drawing Aizen's face. He didn't want to waste paper, so he just erased Aizen entirely and went to take a dump in the crapper. When he came back, he forgot the entire profile for his evil villain character and gave up for the night.

**216. Death by doorknob.**

Yamamoto, a crippled old fart, tripped and slammed his head on a doorknob. He died of trauma to his skull.

**217. Death by soap.**

Yumichika had had a shitty day. First, he'd had to instruct all the contemporary novices that had just been dispatched to the 11th division about the basics of combat. After that, he'd been compelled to do Zaraki's paperwork simply because his miscreant of a captain wouldn't do it himself.

Overall, he'd had a bad day and he wasn't doing too well. Yumichiki entered his room off the edge of the barracks during the break of evening just after he'd finished his duties as per usual. He sifted his hands through his well-kept hair and sighed just before shedding his clothes and striding to his personal bathroom. A hop, skip and a jump away, the water had been adjusted to a lukewarm temperature and a pair of neat, folded clothes had been set aside on the vanity. Yumichika stood under the showerhead, closing his eyes as droplets momentarily took his vision, and reached out for the shampoo.

The particular brand of shampoo he used was difficult to obtain and very expensive, but it was well worth it for the price of his beauty.

Unfortunately, though, Yumichika grabbed a bottle of soap that Ikkaku had left behind when he had previously visited and dispensed it into his hair.

Using the heels of his palms, he wiped the water out of his eyes, and made the mistake of shaking his head to rid himself of the stinging sensation.

However, when Yumichika opened his eyes, the soap seeped in them, causing him to scream hysterically and thrash about.

"It stings!" he screamed. "Oh god, it stings! Make it stop! My beautiful eyes!" Yumichika continued to wail, and when he turned around, he crashed right through the glass plate that shielded the shower stall from the outside. He fell on his back, his head on the floor, his bottom half still inside the shower.

He groaned. There was a crack from above as a shard of glass stuck in the metal frame of the shower dislodged itself and fell, perforating him in the throat.

He bled to death in seconds.

**218. By pigeon.**

Marechiyo was lounging around one day outside, enjoying nature. He wasn't benifting from it much; he hated the sounds of birds, but he liked the way the breeze played across his skin, so it wasn't a total loss. He drifted into a passive reverie, his mouth sliding open, jaw slack as a protracted snore fell from his mouth. A mild coo brought him back from his nap. Marechiyo snorted, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the glow of day. He spotted a pigeon perched on a tree branch just above him. He growled, rolling over onto the edge of the bench he resided on to pick up a rock that lay on the ground. He promptly threw the stone at the pigeon, which took flight and vanished amongst the trees. Marechiyo lied back down, jaw slackening once more. Unbeknowst to him, the pigeon flew back. It fluffed up its feathers, gathered its remaining pride and dignity, and raised its behind before unleashing the torrent.

Marechiyo awoke with a start as the pigeon took a giant steaming shit in the gaping hole that was his mouth. His face colored red with exertion as he started to choke, his pudgy hands coming up to grasp his neck as the bile slid down his tongue. Marechiyo jerked as a spasm seized him, and he had a heart-attack. Soi Fon later found him lying there behind the barracks, eyes wide open, something creamy and white dribbling from his mouth. He appeared to be paralyzed. Other pigeons had congregated in the area and shit all over his body. Soi Fon took the white substance to be semen. She had never known Marechiyo leaned that way. Not that it was a surprise. Soi Fon turned and walked off.

**219. Death by radio.**

Ichigo woke with a start as his radio clicked on. Tunes from some unknown artist flowed throughout the room, weaving a tale of hard rock. He rolled onto his side to see that it was only 4:00 a.m. in the morning. "Welcome to KGB radio! If you're listening to this now, than you are one sorry fucker! Congrats to Ichigo Kurosaki! You've defeated Aizen, achieved the impossible, and all with the help of steroids. Now you've got a crayon for a dick!" Shirosaki came out of nowhere and bashed the radio over Ichigo's head repeatedly until he was dead.

**220. Poison ivy.**

"OH MY GOD!" Yumichika screamed after developing a horrid case of poison ivy. It was most regrettable that he'd been engulfed in a humongous bush of this ivy after tumbling into it while scouting out a Hollow. It couldn't have been helped, Ikkaku told him. Yumichika's body said otherwise. He couldn't stand the sight of himself; his _eyes _couldn't stand the sight of himself; even his body hated him. Even when he had vomited up all the contents of his stomach, he couldn't bring himself to feel better. It only took one look in the mirror to invoke his death. Yumichika's eyes fell out of his head at the sight of himself and rolled on out of the door. They never came back. Yumichika died.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks to: Dirtyspots, Pie lovver, Fried Chicken, and praeses.**

**I am still allowing requests, so whenever something comes to you, you can PM me or just send it in a review.**

**Thanks! After this chappy, this fic may be taking a temporary leave for hiatus. The cause of this is due to school and also because I don't have enough ideas to keep updating periodically.**

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><p><strong>221. Death by cinder block.<strong>

Uryu stared at the cinder block that was on the track field. He attempted to move it; it didn't budge. He attempted to pick it up, and screamed when he pulled a muscle. After much cursing, he resorted to staring again. With speed too fast for him to comprehend, the cinder block propelled itself at him and slammed into his face. It then dropped itself on his nuts. With a broken skull and crushed balls, Uryu died. The invisible Hollow laughed and creeped off.

**222. Death by clowns.**

"All clowns, proceed to the target," clown #1 murmured into the walkie talkie. The clowns besieged the Kurosaki clinic in the shadows of midnight.

Isshin Kurosaki had wandered to the kitchen when he couldn't find sleep in search of milk. Clown #2 snuck up behind him and snapped his neck.

Clowns #3 and #4 snuck into the sisters' rooms and drugged them with chloroform before taking them to the van outside. Clown #1 slid the shoji-style door open and strode into the boy's room. Ichigo, being superior and adept at his skills of awareness, awoke when he sensed a foreign presence approaching his bedside. "Hello, Ichigo. It's time to go to Clowntown." Ichigo shot up from under his sheets, yelping. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM, YOU FREAK!" Ichigo grabbed for his badge, only to discover that it wasn't there. Clown #1 grabbed one of his iron clown shoes and began beating Ichigo to death with it. Ichigo died of shock and trauma to his skull.

**223. Death by 8 ball. **

Ichigo bought an 8 ball. Shortly after his purchase, he stood outside on the sidewalk and shook the object while hesitantly asking, "Will I remain a virgin forever?" A few seconds passed before the cube inside settled face up. It read "You're fucked". Ichigo died of severe depression.

**224. Death by fortune cookie.**

"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE." That's what the fortune cookie said, in bold Palitino Linotype font. Ichigo Kurosaki didn't believe in omens, so he tore the piece of shit up...and got hit by a Ford Taurus that smashed straight through the store front on a high speed car chase.

**225. Tree.**

There had been a doppler warning for a sever thunderstorm that was heading for Karakura. The winds were reaching 60 mph. The most recent warning had been for a tornado watch. Zommari resided in his duplex, meditating. He had gotten tired of the utter chaos that plagued his life in Hueco Mundo, so he had requested Aizen to allow him an extensive vacation in the world of the living for a year. Outside, the havoc that the airstream was wreaking picked up in velocity. There was a deafening crack as the ceiling suddenly gave in just above Zommari and a tree landed on top of him, killing him.

**226. Death by noose.**

Ichigo stood atop the tree branch, the breeze playing through his obscenely colored hair. Alas, he wasn't here to admire the scenery. He looped the noose around his neck and jumped. Unfortunately, the branch was unstable and didn't support his weight, therefore it snapped, causing him to crash-land on his back on the grass below. Ichigo cursed, flailing around in pain and spewing a list of explitives. He looked up when he heard an ear-splitting crack just as the branch broke off from the tree and slammed into his face, killing him.

**227. Death by taxidriver.**

All Starrk and Lilinette could do once they hopped into the taxi was argue. He had had a time-consuming day at work and all she could do was complain about how some boys from school had spilled chocolate milk all over her shirt-her favorite t-shirt with the logo "I don't care what you think" written on it in bold red letters. Starrk was beginning to think that it was just that: she didn't care. Here he was trying to provide for the both of them so they didn't end up thrown out of their apartment, and all she could do was bitch and whine about her clothing. It was a damn _shirt _for heaven's sake. But that didn't stop the grumbling and carping from turning into a full-blown quarrel between the two.

The taxidriver hadn't had such a wonderful day, either. From the minute he'd clocked in, all his boss could do was harass him. Then, when he began his shift, he got stuck in traffic with some prostitute and her pimp who had it out in the back of his vehicle. Now, he had to listen to this nitpicking brat and her accompanying person...and he'd had just enough of it.

"ALRIGHT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH...OF LISTENING TO YOUR SHIT!" he screamed, twisting around. "GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!" Starrk and Lilinette stared a moment before obeying. Not caring that it was rush hour, the taxidriver threw his vehicle into reverse and ran over Starrk. Lilinette watched as the taxidriver ran her companion over some seven times before swerving off into the opposite lane and around another corner. Starrk didn't get back up. Lilinette took his money.

**228. Wrinkles.**

Yamamoto Genryusai's skin sagged so bad that he had to use pins and clips to keep it from drooping anymore than it already had. The years had not been kind to him. He had sleep acnea and age spots in places he dare not mention; his flesh was delicate and sensitive to temperature or cold climates. He envied the other juvenile male _Shinigami _of their generation and their youth. He considered the modern day _Botox _procedure multiple times, but he was worried that he would be laughed back into Seireitei if he even tried.

So Yamamoto endured his saggy wrinkles. Another chilly night came to haunt the 1st barracks one February. Yamamoto was lying in bed, snoring, shivering because of the winter conditions his body was having to endure. He groaned, rolling over onto his side, and instead of grabbing his blankets, he snatched up the slack wrinkles that hung from his arm and wrapped them around his body for warmth. Using his right hand, he scratched his neck and pulled his face wrinkles over his nose without knowing it. Yamamoto died of suffocation that night. When his subordinates found him the following morning, he was nothing but a mass of wrinkled skin.

**229. Death by performing surgery on yourself.**

Szyael was performing a vasectomy on himself. He accidentally cut his ballsack off and bled to death.

**230. Death by Ikkaku's bald head.**

"Bright light! Bright light!" Aaroniero's eyes turned into scrambled eggs.

**231. Death by Will Smith 2.**

Grimmjow was walking down the street one day, and got himself a latte before heading off to work. He wasn't watching where he was going when he turned a corner because he was busy texting with one hand while he drank his coffee, and ran straight into a black guy. The hot beverage spilled all over his designer's shirt and onto his converses. "OH, HELL NO! NO YOU DIDN'T!" Will Smith looked up at Grimmjow, ticked off. "Son of a bitch!"

Grimmjow didn't care to apologize, not that he wouldn't have gotten the change anyway, because at that moment Will Smith picked Grimmjow and threw him out into the street, where, seconds later, a bus slammed into him, propelling his carcass 20 or so feet away. He died immediately upon impact.

**232. Death by not being able to swim.**

Enough said. Rin Tsubokura drowned.

**233. Death by pimple. **

Rose strained as he pressed the blemish between his fingers. It was one thing to have a pimple, but quite another to have a pimple that was tougher than you are. He grunted and heaved, but no matter what he did, the damned thing just would not pop. Usually, he would just leave it alone and cleanse it with his favorite cream, but this thing had the mass and shape of Texas, and it was just too large to ignore. When it finally became obvious that his fingers couldn't do the job, he decided that the situation called for desperate measures. Rose planted a foot on the vanity and leaned back to snatch up his zanpaku-to; as the blade neared the lethal case of acne, he began sweating profusely. With dangerous precision and timing, he stabbed the pimple, causing it to abruptly explode along with Rose's head.

**234. Snot.**

Jin Karaiya had a cold. It wouldn't have been all that uncommon for a _Bounto _to get the flu or a stomach virus had it not been for the fact that this was literally the _mother _of all colds. Maybe being the greatest of all _Bounts _naturally meant you more susceptible to human germs. Whatever the case, Karaiya may have been immortal, but he most certainly wasn't immune to a cold.

He only made it halfway into the day before he was so drained that he retired, had some homemade chicken noodle soup, and went to bed.

His nose was red and inflammed from the friction of so much kleenex tissue and toilet paper, but there was an indefinite amount of how much tissue the _Bounts _had left, so he'd grudgingly used his sleeve as an alternative. Sleep came summarily, however, as the _Bounto _slept like a baby, the evil snot he'd been wrangling against all day crept back up on him and began desiccating in his nasal passageways. He awoke abruptly, gasping for air through his mouth, and started to choke on the snot that dropped into his throat. It took him a few minutes, but, basically, after a lot of struggling and thrashing about, he died from impeding amounts of snot.

**235. Death by protractor.**

Karin was having a horrible day. It was that time of month again; the crimson tides had come to pay a visit. And she was a very unhappy person.

The cramps, the bloating, the headaches, the fatigue. It was the whole shebang. Thus she wasn't in the mood she usually was to deal with her father's antics. The first words she heard from anyone in her family were ones of sympathy, even though she was in no condition to except any such sentiments.

Karin was sitting at the kitchen table that morning, mulling over her homework while she popped aspirin like _M&Ms _for the next couple of hours.

Then, suddenly, Isshin came flying out of nowhere, hitting the table, sending chairs hurtling across the room and effectively scattering her hard work to kingdom come.

Grinding her teeth, Karin screamed in frustration and randomely picked up her protractor and stabbed her father in the eye with it. He writhed around on the ground, thrashing and causing blood to scatter everywhere, spraying the walls. After a moment of mindless twisting around, Isshin just resorted to twitching. "S-such a good girl," he gurgled. "She's all grown up now..." Giving one last garbled noise, he lay still and died.

**236. Death by beyond the grave. *For Mizuki Usagi***

Instead of being the famous characters we know in the manga, _Bleach, _Tite Kubo changed his mind at the last minute and decided to create a video game.

Two of some of the many characters you could choose from was Tatsuki and Orihime. I won't bore you with the theatrics, but I will tell you that Orihime wasn't a character you picked for a violent video game unless you were a complete noob. Anyways, the two friends set off on a plot similar to the plot of _Bleach, _yada-yada-yada-yada, and then they were met with obstacles. Being only a semi-fighter player, Tatsuki didn't fare well in combat. She got past level 1, only to die her first step into level 2 by a _cero _from a random _Gillian. _Orihime was powerless to do anything, of course. But then, as Tatsuki's body twitched spasmodically in the minutes after her death, her finger jerked the trigger of the gun I had paired her with upon initiating the game, causing a bright blast of energy to hit Orihime square in the chest. Let's just say those renowned breasts of hers aren't going to be so renowned any more when she goes to the morgue.

**237. Death by NASCAR. *For Dirtyspots***

Ishida was running on the track field after school in order to get some exercise and, with any luck, put off facing his father when he came home.

He tried remorselessly to quash the sentiments of bitterness that rose like bile in his throat when he thought of Ryuuken's reaction to him bringing home a 95 on that one cursed subject. _You could have done better, _the words rang in his ears. He knew all too well that that was what he would hear.

Closing his eyes fleetingly, Ishida tried to center his focus elsewhere, like on the way the breeze felt as it kissed the damp skin on his neck.

Failing to keep awareness on the dirt path beneath him, Ishida tripped over a groove in the ground, sending him to his knees before he was alert to what was going on. He lost his glasses in the dirt and fumbled blindly for them while he cursed. He squinted, as if this insignificant action could make things better. It didn't. Uryu swore his sight had been getting worse as time passed-so awful, in fact, that he'd actually run into a telephone pole once while conversing with Inoue. Sighing with ease, Ishida stood up and promptly got run over by a NASCAR vehicle that slammed into him on its way to the checkered line. As it turned, Ishida was more blind than he'd thought, because he hadn't been on the track field, but on a raceway for NASCARs.

His carcass flew through the air and landed in the stadium seats right next to a hobo that thought he was an angel. Well, he was _now. _

**238. Death by fangirls. *For Ablast4* (I would totally do this.) :) **

Ichigo was kidnapped, raped, raped again, and then chained up in the lead fangirl's basement. The next day, someone else took top place in the popularity poll, and Ichigo was forgotten. He eventually starved to death and became a popular mummy in a museum exhibit hundreds of years later.

**239. Death by pineapple. *For Dirtyspots* **

Renji went on a delayed vacation to the beach on a remote island somewhere. He relaxed and got a tan, and basically surfed whenever the mood took him. The only thing he lamented was drinking that coconut milk, which also happened to be a natural laxative...

The pineapple watched Renji day after day...sinisterly. It had plans for Renji Abarai that would soon come to fruition-evil plans.

But the pineapple was also patient, so it had a lot of time to burn and did so willingly and without complaint. The pineapple liked the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, and it liked the way the breeze played across its face as it swayed in its home amonst the fronds...It had a nonviolent life that it carried out with ease. The pineapple hated Renji, though. How _dare _he attempt to imitate the appearance of a pineapple. Damn that...that...

Wait! Renji walked over to the palm tree to take a piss...and the pineapple was released from its wonderful home in the palm tree.

The pineapple gave out an shrill battle cry full of vegeance and intent to murder, and landed on Renji's skull, causing him to jerk back and fall into the sand. He was comatose, but he was alive. Then the pineapple's brethren fell from the tree and crushed his head. A baby pineapple landed on his groin for good measure.

**240. Death by attempting to be superman.**

Ichigo stood in front of the bank robber. He'd chased him onto the top of a building. There was nowhere for the man to go now.

He turned around, gun in hand. A bead of sweat made a thin trail down his jaw; he'd discarded his mask a few blocks back after attempting his escape.

Ichigo raised his hand. The chamber on the relatively old gun clicked as the criminal pressed his index finger down on the trigger. Originally, the plan had been for the bullet to bounce of him or something, but Ichigo was drunk and had just come out of a tavern after downing shots all night, so instead the bullet went into his eye.

"GAAAAAH!" he screamed, flailing around. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?" The bank robber looked shocked. "Well, I uh..."

"WHY WOULD YOU-" Ichigo backed up, tripping over his satin red cape and plummeting over the side of the building, where he smashed every bone in his body on the pavement below.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to: Ablast4, praeses, Dirtyspots, Miku Alli, paradox-otaku, loverofgin, Azraelean, and Hotaru-Naichingeru.**

**I have done some massive editing on this story. I originally never intended for this fic to be in bold, but I accidentally posted the first chapter that way and at the time had no clue as to how to go about fixing it. Now, only the dares and their numbers will be in bold. I hope that it appeals to all of you. Requests are welcome. I cannot still guarantee that this story is officially continuing. Due to my other fics, this will probably be the last chapter before this thing sinks into another hiatus. :/ Sucks.**

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><p><strong>241. Backfire. *For Ablast4*<strong>

"Getsuga Tensho!" Ichigo cried, swinging Zangetsu. Nothing happened. He stared for a moment, and then shook his sword, as if thinking that the motion would trigger the release of his attack. He swung Zangetsu once more, and a blast of energy backfired in his face, taking his head clean off. His smoked carcass lay there in the vacant lot until some cats came along and began nibbling on him.

**242. Death by wedding ring.**

Byakuya got a wedding ring to bind him and Hisana in holy matrimony. The ring he bought her was brilliant and, for some reason he couldn't fathom, inexpensive. He had to have it fitted for her, so until then, he wore it on a chain around his neck to keep it secure. One day, he found himself gazing at the ring for no reason in particular as he lounged in his office. He owned a mult-billion dollar company shared by other establishments all over Japan, so he was out and about a lot and for the past week had been to Hong Kong on a very important meeting that had kept him from his soon-to-be wife.

Right then, the ring mesmerized him because he was confident it had drawn him closer to Hisana. Unfortunately, the wedding band wasn't really a wedding band and it was because the elder who had sold him the merchandise had refused to tell him its horrific past that the shit hit the fan right at that moment. Because this ring was the Lord of the Ring's ring, and it basically fucking hated being hung around Byakuya's pretty neck, so it strangled him by abruptly tightening the golden chain around his throat and unleashing its evilness upon him.

**243. Death by the Statue of Liberty.**

The giant, renowned statue was tired of sheltering the poor, tired, huddled masses of the United States. Rikichi felt sympathy for her as he stood looking up at her proud figure. Adversely, she didn't feel the same. The Statue of Liberty grabbed a baseball bat. "YOU WANNA FUCKING PIECE OF ME?" she screamed, and began pounding him into the ground so that afterward he only resembled a smear of blood and guts.

**244. Shovel. (I don't own Kill the Spartan.)**

The Spartan, Kensei, stood at his post, the epitome of a figure of solitude. He turned when dirt began flying everywhere and Gin Ichimaru burst out of the ground with a shovel in hand. He raced towards Kensei, and they clashed violently. Kensei thrust forward with his spear, slicing viciously through Ichimaru's robes and creating an uneven, horizontal gash across his abdomen. The silver-haired Spartan flung his opponent back with ease, causing him to hit the ground forcefully and sending gravel and clumps of dirt scattering everywhere with the impact-his shovel was tossed elsewhere during combat. Blood spatters coated the green grass as Ichimaru tried in vain to sit up, his crimson lifesource pooling onto the ground. As Kensei approached him, spear in hand, he managed to dredge up what little strength he had left to bring himself to his knees. He panted, lungs straining for air, and got up to his feet.

Ichimaru lifted his hands in surrender as Kensei pointed the razor-sharp end of his spear to the back of his neck in preparation to sever his spinal column for the killing blow.

"Have mercy," he beseeched. There was a callous grunt as Kensei said, "In Sparta...we show no mercy."

"Oh," Ichimaru said, "well, that's too bad." Out of their periphery, Ichimaru's shovel, which had landed spade-end in the earth, crackled with other-wordly energy and propelled itself through the air, slamming into the back of Kensei's helmet and causing it to splinter into pieces. Dazed, Kensei stumbled as Ichimaru darted forward and effortlessly sliced him in half with his shovel.

**245. Microwave *For Twistedkorn* (Twistedkorn, you have a sick mind. I like it. :)) **

Kisuke was smoking some marijuana one day and enjoying the feeling of being high when he realized, rather abruptly, that he was hungry-_starving, _in fact. He wanted something that would fill him up and do the job, so he decided on meat. The only problem was, there wasn't any meat. Fish, yeah. Meat? Nonexistent. Just as Kisuke was about to spaz and go into a full blown panic attack, he saw Yoruichi lying nearby in cat form, curled up on one of the display cases for candy. He grabbed her immediately and threw her in a microwave, where she began hissing and spitting, and clawing for a way out.

Kisuke set the timer for twenty minutes and turned the contraption on. Poor Yoruichi didn't last long, and blew up into chunks of gore and meat, which decorated the interior of the microwave.

**246. Cardiac Arrest.**

Lilinette and Stark went on a belated vacation to Hiroshima...by car. All Stark heard the entire way there was "Are we there yet?" from a very irritated Lilinette who couldn't seem to keep her mouth shut or go to sleep. Eventually, she annoyed him so much that he went into cardiac arrest and the car swerved into the path of a semi truck, causing them to get squashed.

**247. Removing the tag from one's mattress. *For Ablast4***

Kyoraku was on another drinking binge when he randomly rented out a hotel room for the evening and lied down on the too comfy mattress and delicate sheets to sleep. Not knowing what to do, he moved over onto his side and pulled the sheets away from the bed, and punctually began wrapping himself him in one large cocoon. Eventually, though, he bored of this position and rotated over to his side, where he caught sight of the tag on the mattress.

Without thinking, he inched over to the edge of the bed and began meticulously tearing it away, seam by seam. That was about when the inspectors burst in and a man donning nothing but black clothing and leather boots walked over to where Shunsui lay and knelt by him. "Is...Is it gone?" one of the inspectors asked, sounding afraid.

"Yes."

"NOOOOOO!" The others, unlike their companion, just shook their heads in sorrow. The lead inspector stood up, tag in hand, pocketed it, and suffocated Shunsui with his own pillow. He was isolated by the sheets and the comfortor that he'd cocooned himself in, so he couldn't writhe about much. The inspectors left, murming words of condolence to their leader and the lost tag.

**248. Death by Lady Gaga. *For Ablast4***

People all over the world were in stunned shock when Charlotte released his own fashion design that looked remarkably similar to Lady Gaga's style.

For stealing her thunder, Lady Gaga hunted him down-he wasn't that hard to find-and beat him to death with a baseball bat...in public.

**249. Death by candle.**

Noitora liked to hit on Nel. Nel always refused him. Then, one day, out of the blue, she suddenly agreed to go on a date with him. One thing led to another, and they found out they actually had a lot in common. Nnoitora was in to stuff like S&M, but Nel assured him that she wasn't afraid to be diverse in how she approached intercourse; this was what she said as she tied him down to the bed while he protested. The objections eventually turned to insults and vulgar profanity. Nel just walked over and picked up a jasmin scented candle and blew the flame out. Ribbons of smoke gusted up from the wick.

"H-hey, Nel, you know I didn't mean those things just now, right? We're friends...r-right?" he asked, starting to get apprehensive.

But instead of going for anything below the waist, Nel poured a heap of scalding wax onto his good eye. I won't go into the nasty details, but I'll tell you that he did, indeed, die. "Pervert," she said scathingly as she picked up her jacket and exited his residence. No one found Nnoitora's body for a month until his landlord came demanding for money. Frankly, no one had liked him in the first place. The only person that came to his funeral was Tesla.

**250. Wet Floor.**

Tosen slipped and broke his blind-ass neck.

**251. Death by jet engine.**

Enough said. Jackie got sucked into a jet engine and it blew up, sending shrapnel and debris flying in every direction.

**252. Sugar Rush.**

Ukitake had recently received some candy from Hitsugaya, who had just happened to get it from Rangiku, who had asked Nemu for something to lighten her dull captain up a bit. The lieutenant apparantly didn't get the memo, because instead of some real, enigmatic drug, she got a basket full of toffees and bonbons. Rangiku gave them to her Hitsugaya anyway while in a drunken haze, and after being lectured for her lack of responsibility in picking up after herself, he snatched up the basket and took it away. Toshiro already saw enough sweets as it was being around Jushiro all the time, and now whenever he saw any confection of any kind, he would tuck tail and run. That being said, he shoved the basket onto Ukitake the first thing he could and made out of there like a bat out of hell without even staying long enough for the captain of the 13th division to thank him.

Not knowing that the toffees were, in fact, laced with drugs, Ukitake popped one into his mouth and began chewing whilst Kiyone and Sentaro engaged in a full blown fight over who got to deliver the thank you card to Hitsugaya.

Rukia, who was walking to Ugendo courters with a handful of documents to present to her superior, stopped in her tracks as Kiyone and Sentaro went hurtling right through the wall. Sentaro, who wasn't so fortunate, flew a good ways through the air before getting impaled on a tree branch. Kiyone died from severe trauma. Hopping right through the hole in the wall, Ukitake babbled something nonsensical to Rukia about rabbits and candy before throwing himself into the pond face first.

**253. Radiation.**

Mizuiro wandered into the middle of a nuclear test ground. He was so ugly that his dead body was sent to have a part in the movie The Hills Have Eyes.

**254. Spike Trap.**

Shirosaki laughed hysterically as he pushed down on the gas, causing the black Mustang to accelerate. It sliced through the normally still daylight of Karakura like a shark in pursuit. Sirens wailed from behind him as the police gave chase on their hunt for the notorious fugitive.

A couple hundred yards ahead, lieutenant deputy Ichigo Kurosaki threw a spike trap out into the road just as Shirosaki swerved insanely around the corner.

"Hahahah! Fuckers!" he crowed as he noticed the police slowing down. Then, just as he turned in his seat to focus on the road, the tires hit the spike trap and Shirosaki's car pitched forward, hitting the edge of a ditch and flipping through the air, causing the cops there to dive for safety.

The Mustang crashed into the road forcefully, bottom side up, and skidded some ways, picking up sparks from the friction of asphalt against metal.

Gasoline poured out of the tank, setting fire to the vehicle and causing it to buck as it exploded, killing Shirosaki.

**255. Stick. *For XxxZesty LemonXxx***

Rukia got pregnant at a young age like many other girls before she ever had a job or the means to take care of a baby. She asked to keep it and discussed marrying her boyfriend, who almost happened to be the very same prick who'd knocked her up, to make it official. Byakuya felt ashamed that he had failed Hisana by being unable to keep Rukia from the harsh reality of the outside world. He refused to call her or talk to her, and eventually she packed her things and moved in with Ichigo Kurosaki. Byakuya didn't attend any of her ultra sounds and ignored the voice messages she left on his answering machine.

He got drunk one night and came home and crashed on the couch without taking his tie or belt off. He didn't wake up the following morning.

The doctors said the stick up his ass took its toll.

**256. Racism.**

Everyone in Bleach noticed that Tite Kubo had an odd habit of killing off all of the black characters. When Tosen and Zommari became conscious of this, they began to devise a plan for their revenge and took a vacation from Heaven. Tite Kubo, who was in Japan, woke up one day when his alarm clock went off an hour too early...and his house blew up.

**257. Death by laser pointer.**

Mayuri stood in the field in the world of the living one evening, watching as a plane passed overhead. He pointed his amazing new contraption called the laser pointer up at it, blinding the pilots and causing them to cry out in shock. The plane dived, but Mayuri just continued to shine the laser at it until it caught on fire for some reason and combusted. A giant propeller hurtled down from the sky and hit Nemu, killing her.

"Dammit, Nemu! Why were you standing there?" he complained. "Now I'll have to rebuild you!"

**258. Death by gambling.**

Russian Roulette. Ah, what a fun past time, Ryuuken thought. He looked at the other men seated around him, and began sweating with edginess as Isshin pulled the trigger and nothing happened. He chuckled, tossing the gun to Ryuuken, who caught it reflexively and tested its weight in his palm.

Ichigo and Uryu, who were the last two to go, glanced wearily around the table, as if they couldn't decide to dart out the door nearest them or stay and take the chance. Ryuuken raised the gun then and shot Uryu, who died instantly. He lit a smoke and took a long drag before kicking his son with his foot.

"That's why you never gamble with your life, boy," he said, and stood up before exiting the room.

**259. Death by various articles of clothing (sweaters, pajamas, etc.)**

It was laundry day in Hueco Mundo, and all the Arrancars were gathering up their soiled articles of clothing and/or underwear to heap into the pile that was amassing in the back of a large dump truck Ichimaru was to drive to the world of the living. Unfortunately, Gin didn't know how to drive a dump truck and ended up pushing the lever that released the bed in the back, causing it to tilt backward and release all of its loose contents on Stark, who was lying there in the sand, dozing. He suffocated from impeding amounts of stinky underwear and jock straps (the jock straps of which were there for no particular reason but humor).


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I know, I know. I've been gone for a long time. But I'm finally back! And with more wacky ways to die. If you have any ideas, please submit them. They're very welcome.**

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><p><strong>260-263 *For vampire13princess*<strong>

**260. Death by Captain Jack Sparrow.**

"What I desire..." Jack Sparrow murmured, standing there on the dock and looking closely at his compass, which was spinning quickly around and around so many times he thought he was going to get a headache.

Or it could be the rum, he thought. He watched as the compass rose settled when he turned a bit on his heel, and he looked up at where the object was directing him. The compass was pointing at Luppi, who also happened to look alot like a tranny.

"Ew. That is _not _what I desire," Jack Sparrow grumbled, and pulled his gun out and shot Luppi in the face. Bending down, he picked up his bottle of rum and went right on his merry way.

**261. Attempting to become as flat as Flat Stanley.**

Enough said. I told Marechiyo Ohmeada today's new, modern training regimine to becoming thin, and gave him a pamphlet about becoming as flat as Flat Stanley. Later on, he stood in the middle of a construction site and laid himself out flat on the ground.

He was about to lose his nerve and get back up, but he was having some trouble and that was about when I came along with a steam roller and mowed him down. There was nothing but a giant ass smear by the time I was done.

**262. Getting pulled apart by a pack of rabid wolves.**

Ichigo dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood and went skipping through the woods with a basket of bread. A pack of rabid wolves then pursued him and he gave a girlish squeal as they pulled him to the ground and began ripping him to pieces. The End.

**263. Tickled to death.**

Toshiro woke up, weary and groggy, to find that he was strapped down to a cold, metal gurney. And he was naked.

"Hello, captain," came the seductive purr. Rangiku walked out of the gloom that blotted out sight of his surroundings, dressed in a black strapless corset dress and sexy fish net leggings. In one hand, she had a feather; in her left, she had a riding crop. Toshiro screamed.

"Matsumoto, you get me out of this, right this instan-" She put her fingers on his lips.

"Sssh, captain," she cooed, "you don't have to worry about a thing. I'll treat you real good." Rangiku then began to tickle him with the feather. He burst out laughing before he could begin to chew her out, and writhed about in his restraints.

"Matsu-M-Matsum-moto-Dammit!" he howled. Long story short, Toshiro laughed so hard he forgot how to breathe. The coroner wasn't sure if Toshiro died of suffocation or the massive nose bleed he got when he saw Rangiku dressed so smexily.

**264. Death by lint roller. *For praeses* (Oh my Gods, this is my favorite!)**

"Ohmeada, we're going to a meeting. Get those crumbs off your uniform," Soi Fon ordered, holding out a lint roller to her lieutenant, who was stuffing rice crackers into his enormous pie hole as she spoke.

"Ohmeada," she said.

"No!" he spat, partly chewed bits of crackers showering her hair when he opened his mouth. Soi Fon ground her teeth.

"Ohmeada," she growled. He ignored her.

An animalistic howl of fury was heard throughout the barracks, scaring its occupants there as the sound of fabric being shredded was followed by Marechiyo's accompanying screams. A young peon there gathered the courage to look around the corner just as Soi Fon walked past her and her petrified companions.

"Don't bother sending him to the infirmary," their captain said, dismissing them. Not a few feet in front of them, Marechiyo lay on the floor with a lint roller shoved up his rectum. He died from massive internal bleeding.

**265. Death by Scooby Doo mystery. *For praeses***

Hiyori was with her fellow Vizoreds when she suddenly set off a trap and the floor fell out from under her. She landed on a giant spike that was potruding out from the ground just on the first floor. Shinji walked out of nowhere, picking his nose. "Oooo, nice death spike," he commented, and walked right past Hiyori's impaled carcass.

(NOT particulary a Scooby Doo mystery, but I haven't seen that cartoon in ages, so...)

**266. Death by a ninja.**

A ninja randomly crawled through a window in Ichigo's classroom after everybody had been dismissed for lunch.

Uryu sat in the fore of the schoolroom, eating alone in solitude. The ninja leaped onto his desk and snatched his sandwhich up.

He dashed off, leaving Uryu to stare blankly after him. The ninja then came back and snatched up the Quincy's juice box. With that, he straightened up and was gone in a flash.

Yet again, the ninja came back, this time for some napkins. He let out a drawn-out breath and left. _AGAIN, _the ninja came back. This time he stabbed Uryu with a kunai knife and made off with his lunch.

**267. Death by toothpick. *For paradox-otaku***

Ryuuken liked to live in style. He also liked to _drink _in style. One day, he indulged in a martini with Isshin.

After awhile of decent conversation, he began to consume more alcohol, and in the process he got more drunk. By the time he was so inebriated he couldn't tell his fingers from his toes, Ryuuken had downed another martini, as well as the toothpick in the martini olive.

Basically, he chocked to death on the damn thing and everybody else was too smashed to care.

**268. Death by elephant.**

Kenpachi decided to prove his greatness by killing an elephant. It was simple, really. All he had to do was walk up to it and stab it in the stomach, causing its entrails to fall out.

Then the elephant fell on top of him, crushing him.

**269. Death by paradox-otaku. (Paradox-otaku reviewed my story, so for any of you that think this is weird, I assure you that I do too.)**

"No!" Sentaro bellowed. "The color grey is spelled G-R-E-Y."

"NO! IT'S SPELLED G-R-A-Y!" Kiyone screamed back. "YOU STUPID MONKEYBRAIN!"

"LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE WEASEL! IT'S SPELLED G-R-E-Y!"

Both of them looked up as Paradox-otaku materialized out of nowhere.

"It's spelled both ways," she said, and Sentaro's head combusted into confetti. Paradox-otaku swallowed Kiyone whole and walked off.

**270. Death by frat parties. *For Dirtyspots***

One of the frat students got a little crazy with a 7-up bottle and was swinging it around to the beat of the music that was blaring throughout the dorms.

Unfortunately, Byakuya was standing in the guy's path when he flung himself around brought the 7-up bottle down over his head. Nobody noticed what happened. They trampled all over Byakuya's body until he was dead.

**271. Death by Rebecca Black.**

Ichigo imploded.

**272. Death by NSYNC.**

Ichigo imploded.

**273. Death by The Jonas Brothers.**

Ichigo took one look at their gay-ass hair, cut out his eyes, _then _imploded.

**274. Taking a rusty razor blade and cutting off someone's testicles. **

'Nuff said.

**275. Being mistaken for a life-sized doll.**

Hanataro was put on the discount isle for five dollars when he was mistaken for a life-size Bleach action figure doll. A little girl with braces bought him, abused him, sodomized him, played with matches when she wasn't s'pposed to, and basically set him on fire. He was burnt to a crisp.

**276. Death by sheer stupidity. *praeses, this is for you* (I don't own Smosh)**

Eighteen-year-old Ichigo Kurosaki looked skeptically at the toy boat that was floating on the water. He lit up immediately when it hit him and he leaned out of the bathtub and picked up something nearby. "I know!" he declared gayly. "Let's bring the Brave Little Toaster in to join us!" Ichigo then proceeded to throw the toaster, which was plugged in an outlet, into the water with him, electrocuting his retarded ass into Kentucky Fried Chicken. R.I.P. Ichigo Kurosaki, who never grasped the meaning that water and electronics don't go together.

**277. Death by TO BE CONTINUED...**

Barragan, who had just seen the rewarding graphics, lines, and stunts of a epic battle on television between two gladiators, had a stroke when it was cut short by the large subtitles TO BE CONTINUED... His last words: "Fuck you, paid programming..."

**278. Death by librarian. *For paradox-otaku***

Nanao jolted in her seat when she heard the raucous, shrill laughter of the men that had wandered into the library simply to look for books on anything that gave detailed illustrations of a woman's sexual anatomy.

Apparantly, they had found what they were looking for. Nevertheless, they were making focus for anyone there impossible. Nanao slammed her book shut- now into the 50-something chapter- and got to her feet before gliding over to them in almost sinuous manner.

Yammy, a rather masculine male older than the others who was straining at the seams of his shirt, was the only one to acknowledge her approach.

"Meh...Whaddaya want?" he asked, no more intrigued by her than he would be by a fly.

"Lower your voices," she said simply. "This is a library, not a cafeteria. It's a place to learn, not for social gather-"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, waving his hand dismissively, as if to shoo her off. Taken aback, Nanao gaped for only a second enough to renounce any form of composure.

"I said," she began, tone of voice more authoritive, "that-"

"Buzz off," Yammy growled. Nanao's hand jerked to her glasses to unthinkingly adjust them, but her train of thought changed and she whisked them off and tapped Yammy on the shoulder with her free hand.

"_What_?" he hissed, twisting around in his seat. With quick reflexes, Nanao stabbed Yammy in the eye with the temples of her glasses. She did this violently but fluidly so until his screams went from a shrill howl to a low gurgle and pivoted on her heel.

His companions shrank back, frightened and petrified. "_Be. Quiet," _she ordered, eyes flashing menacingly.

Retracting her glasses from Yammy's eye, she shoved his corpse forward so that it would seem he was asleep and went back to her desk.

The smell of defecation indicated that Nnoitora had shit his pants.

**279. Death by saying, "Fuck".**

"Fuck," Grimmjow said blandly, just to see what would happen.

A tire iron fell from the sky, pinwheeling in the air in a direct beeline for his skull. Grimmjow leaped out of the way just as the tire iron hit the sand drift with a thud.

"Hah!" he exclaimed, pointing his finger at the would-be offender as a grin split his face. "You miss-" A giant rock crushed Grimmjow.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to S.R.457, Devil'sEyeAlchemist13, Enzy-Chan, Guest, praeses, and for all those who've faved this and are still following this fic... despite my being an ass and not updating in forever. Your reviews and dedication make me warm and fuzzy inside.**

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><p><strong>293-295 *For Dirtyspots*<strong>

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><p><strong>280. Death by Gary Busey<strong>

Gary Busey was Grimmjow's split personality. He became the dominant personality by eating Grimmjow's face off. The end.

**281. Death by The Ring.**

Marechiyo got his face rearranged by that creepy-ass girl trolling in the well. Not that it was an improvement on his face at all. He was already fugly to begin with.

**282. Cork.**

Hanataro was dressed up as a clown on stilts at a community fair. Some innocent bystander chose that moment to break out the champaigne, and the subsequent crack made him look down just in time to get struck in the face with the cork. He plummeted down some ten feet and got impaled on a fence post.

**283. Death by Electric Outlet.**

Someone stuck their finger in an electric outlet. Guess who? Wonderweiss.

Go figure.

**284. Death by horror movie cliché.**

"Let's go follow the frightening but strange noise!" Keigo declared, and rounded the corner to investigate. Jack the Ripper dashed out of nowhere and disembowled him with a clean slice.

"SHIIIT!" he screamed. "You're not a chick!"

**285. Death by taking a sparkler up the ass.**

Ohmeada had been storing up a massive amount of gas all day. He had to let one rip..._bad._

But Soi Fon would chew the bejesus out of his ass if he didn't so much as attempt to fart covertly.

In the Onmitsukido corp, bodily functions like shitting or pissing flew entirely beneath the radar, and that included booger-picking. If it wasn't relative to the stealth force, you didn't do it at all unless it was on your own time.

But when he looked around, he didn't see anybody.

He was all alone in his office. It couldn't possibly hurt anybody to just let it out.

Weary of his surroundings, Marechiyo stood up from his desk to fart, and just as he was about to let it all pass his ass in one, long, noxious fume, Yachiru jumped out of his filing cabinet and shoved a lit sparkler up his rectum.

The reaction was instantaneous.

The sparkler lit the bottled fumes and caused a huge explosion. Somehow Yachiru lived, but Marechiyo's intestines were strung all over the trees outside the barracks like Christmas tinsel.

**286. Death by Sin City**

Take a walk down a back-alley in Sin City...and of course you're going to die. The possibility of getting shanked is too high.

**287. Death by Freddy Krueger**

"Do you fear me?" As Nodt asked. Freddy Krueger laughed at the notion.

Then he gouged As Nodt's eyes out with his razor fingers.

**289. Death by steel-toe boots. *For Ablast4***

Hiyori and Shinji made a bet over who could survive the longest if they took turns kicking the shit out of each other in steel-toe boots.

Sadly, Shinji never got around to his turn. Hiyori used his body as her own personal trampoline and bounced all over him until his internal organs caved in.

**290. Death by Scottish Fold (a cat breed).**

Grimmjow's heart fell out through his ass at the adorable sight.

**291. Death by Stephen King.**

"THERE'S SHIT COMING OUT OF THE MIST!" Grimmjow bellowed, running into a local convenient store. Everybody in the check-out aisle looked up and a couple of women gasped in horror when they saw him covered in blood.

"What kind of stuff?" Ichigo asked as mist billowed outside around the store.

All of a sudden, Stephen King dashed out of the mist with his arms flailing around, crashed through the glass double doors, and stabbed the teen in the back with a dagger.

"THAT KIND OF STUFF!" Grimmjow shouted, pointing at Stephen King.

Everybody started screaming and running for their lives.

**292. Death by throwing yourself on your own sword.**

No one was actually insane enough to go throw themselves on their own sword...except for Wonderweiss, who got a little too curious with his blade and became convinced by Grimmjow that throwing yourself on your own sword is a good past-time.

**293. Death by the song "Poker Face"**

Ulquiorra was walking down the seemingly endless passageways of Las Noches one day, hands stuffed in his pockets, when...

"P-P-P-Poker face. P-P-P-Poker face," Grimmjow sang, intercepting Ulquiorra from the end of another corridor. He was completely naked, not a shred of clothing on him.

"Nya, nya, nya-nya. Uh-huh." Grimmjow swung his hips in a supposedly sexy fashion.

"Poker face, baby," he said huskily. Ulquiorra twitched, and a long, protracted silence fell over them. Not even so much as a facial muscle moved out of place.

"COME ON, NOT EVEN A LITTLE?!" Grimmjow burst out finally.

Ulquiorra toppled over suddenly without warning, collapsing in a crumpled heap to the floor...having died of brain failure.

"Hey...is this a joke?" the nude _sexta _asked. "Ulquiorra?" Szayel suddenly strode up out of nowhere, gave Grimmjow a once-over, and smiled to himself as he went on his way.

"Nice ass," he said over his shoulder.

**294. Death by the stupidity of Star Wars.**

"How does this thing work?" Ichigo asked, looking down into the hilt of his weapon. He accidently gripped the button on the side and the light saber shot out, impaling him in the face.

Byakuya strode out with a Darth Vader helmet on just as the orange-head crumpled to the door, dead. "Luke, I am your father," he said. He looked blankly at Ichigo's body, unaware to the presence approaching him.

Chubaca picked Byakuya up by the head and crushed his skull with his bare hands, causing his helmet to cave in on his face. Blood spewed everywhere as the hairy monster tossed his corpse against the far wall.

**295. Death by homeless drunk.**

He was homeless. He was drunk. Ultimately, that didn't make for a great combinaton in a man like Shunsui Kyoraku.

So when Shunsui Kyoraku passed away, people were shocked.

They weren't shocked that he was homeless or drunk.

Just that he died getting run over by a rickshaw.

**296. Death by eyelash.**

Uryu's eyelash murdered him...brutally. Who knew it could do that?

**297. Death by vampire.**

Edward Cullen stood there...straining...trying to kill Ichigo with his shiny-ness.

It wasn't working. His perfectly coiffed hair wasn't doing the trick either, not even to inspire a stroke, as much as Ichigo wished he could have one right now.

It seemed Ichigo's impending demise wasn't all that impending...until Collin Farrel from Fright Night came up behind him and ripped his throat out with his shark teeth.

Come dawn, the sun would shrivel his remains.

"Go back to the drawing board, reject," Collin Farrel said, chewing on a flap of Ichigo's skin. Edward Cullen skulked away to go be pretty and feed on innocent, furry forest creatures.

**298. Death by chocking on a Big Mac.**

Marechiyo accepted a dare which involved him swallowing a Big Mac whole.

Of course he chocked on the Big Mac. What the fuck did you expect?

**299. Death by the Bee Gees**

The Gibbs brothers hit decibles that caused Ichigo's eardrums to burst.

**300. Death by picking your nose.**

Grimmjow started picking his nose while in his _resureccíon_ form. Well, while he was digging up in there for his gold nugget, his claws sliced a major artery and a geyser of blood started spewing everywhere.

"OH MY FAWCKING GOD! HELP MEEE!" Grimmjow flailed around and ran into a spindly tree that was attempting to _not_ grow in Hueco Mundo's dead environment. The _Sexta_ then collapsed to the ground and bled out.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

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><p><strong>AN: To Devil'sEyeAlchemist, if I'm ever able to think up a way to kill some with a pencil sharpener, I'll let you know. lol.**

**To all my readers, thanks for your reviews and your ideas. Hope you all haven't gone into a coma waiting for this chapter.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>301. Death by chess knight. *For Devil'sEyeAlchemist*<strong>

After staring senselessly at a chess knight for hours, Urahara conceived the outrageous idea of screwing around with Ichigo's mind so that he was conformed to moving in an L formation for the rest of his life.

It wasn't quite so bad until Ichigo got his driver's license and veered into the wrong lane, getting killed on impact by a semi.

**302. Death by God. *For Devil'sEyeAlchemist***

In the words of Gandalf the Gray (not exactly), "Ichigo's ass was smote all over the mountainside."

**Alternative: **God created us in his image. God felt something had gotten lost in translation because Ichigo sure as hell was not in his image. So he did what all factories do with defective merchandise.

He incinerated Ichigo.

"YAAAAAAAAAGH!"

**303. Death by Naruto. *For Devil'sEyeAlchemist***

In the end, after Sakura had confessed her love for Naruto, after Hinata had confessed her love for Naruto...Naruto came out of the closet and admitted he was gay.

Then, Isshin, who was a fanboy of the series, had watched every single episode, bought all the merchandise, and even had his own fanfiction account, suffered a stroke after crying for hours over the turn-out of the final season.

**304. Reading a really impressive Ichi/Ruki hentai comic**

Ichigo died of massive hemmorhaging to the nose- AKA, a really fucked up nose-bleed.

**305. Death by McDonalds as a life diet.**

Who _wouldn't_ die eating McDonalds nonstop for life?

**306. Getting punched in the trechea.**

Tsukishima decided to participate in an underground fighting ring after he made a bet with Ginjou.

His opponent: Jet Li.

Well, Jet Li did what he does best and punched Tsukishima in the trechea...killing him, of course. One blow to the neck and that sucker was dead as a doornail.

**307. Death by Cockpuncher **

Steven Seagal walked up, out of the blue, and punched Ikkaku in the nuts so hard it rendered his manhood totally incapable of any kind of function.

**308. Death by shower curtain.**

Yumichika was washing up in the apartment he shared with the crazy Asano siblings and Ikkaku.

Between his duties and the chaos of human life, he hardly had any time to himself.

He need to clean off the filth of the living world. Besides that, pampering was a great stress-reliever.

Unfortunately, a poltergeist chose that minute to possess the shower curtain just as Yumichika was getting out. He screamed girlishly as the wet plastic twisted around his body, sheathing him in a tight cocoon.

The evil shower curtain then proceeded to suffocate him to death. 0.0

**309. Death by evil dolls. *For Praeses***

Mayuri wanted to make dolls sentient. His project required funding, so instead of waiting for money to grow on trees, he kidnapped Ririn and decided to work from there.

He removed her gikongan and brought her to life without it, but unfortunately much of the old Ririn remained and she attacked his face when she awoke, mauling him.

When Mayuri wouldn't die, she screeched in fury and resorted to flying at Akon, who was standing nearby.

He howled in agony as she began dismembering him.

**310. Death by Stefan and Damon Salvatore. **

Damon got annoyed...and a little (very) pissed off when Ichigo posed for a color spread as a vampire. He also didn't like that Ichigo tried to be all macho. That was his job.

So basically he ripped Ichigo's throat out...while Stefan tried lamely to negotiate on the sidelines. Of course, by then it was too late for negotiating.

**311. Just looking at Green Lantern.**

"I wish I could unsee that," Ichigo said after watching Green Lantern.

He blinked when there was no response from his movie companion and turned to see what was wrong.

He had thought the flailing was Renji's peculiar way of expressing his opinion of the movie...or Ryan Reynold's tight as fuck costume.

It turns out he'd just been chocking to death on his popcorn from the sight of Ryan Reynold's tight as fuck costume.

**312. Death by every Tom Cruise movie ever**

Barragan clutched his chest, in the throes of mortal agony. "Too...much...Tom Cruise," he gasped, and then keeled over.

Doctors later deduced it wasn't the Tom Cruise that had killed him, but the combination of a heart attack and sleep deprivation from hours of watching back-to-back Tom Cruise films.

**313. Death by kangaroo. *For Praeses***

Ikkaku went screwing around in the Australian outback after he was ordered to go fetch Yachiru a kangaroo. Because she wanted one bad.

And whatever Yachiru wants she gets... come hell or high water.

Naturally, anytime the hellion has a hankering for something, getting it isn't easy.

But Ikkaku figured attaining an animal from the living world couldn't be all that demanding.

It was easy enough to run the kangaroo down and trap it near the edge of the reserve. Face-to-face with it now, Ikkaku didn't see why Yumichika had warned him so earnestly about the oversized rat.

Until he got too close and the kangaroo came flying at him with a kick so hard he actually heard his ribs break.

Ikkaku soared backward several feet and hit an electric fence. The kangaroo watched as he fried. Ikkaku dropped to the ground and lay still, sizzling like a birthday candle.

**314. Trying to jump-start your sexlife **

Only a defribulator could get this thing jump-started, Yamomoto thought once when contemplating getting back into the game. Turns out, he only needed the defribulator a_fter _he flat-lined. Unohana wasn't too happy about him dying during the act either.

**315. Death by door**

Ryuuken Ishida grumbled irritably when his garage door jammed. Braking, he put the car in park and stepped out out of the driver's seat, walking over in a huff to check out the problem.

_Gonna be late... _he thought, and stepped under the garage door, looking up at nothing in particular. He knew nothing about gears and such. He pulled out the remote control from his pocket and hammered the button frustratedly.

Some cosmic force might agree the remote control didn't take well with that. Ryuken cried out in alarm as the garage door swooped down on him without warning, hitting him in the skull and knocking him to the ground.

He groaned dazedly and opened his eyes just as the garage door came down full swing and decapitated him. His head rolled down the driveway and into the street.

Cosmic forces might say he was still trying to make it to work on time.

**316. Death by Wii-mote. *For Praeses* **

Renji was going ape-shit with the wii-mote. Apparantly he figured thrashing like a madman was the key to winning the game.

Ichigo would have thought him a idiot if he wasn't making a contest of it as well. Rukia and Ichigo's family watched gleefully from the couch, adding fuel to the fire.

Only one could win this battle of wills.

Of course it wasn't just about male dominance. Rukia had put them up to it, so they both felt like they had something to prove.

Suddenly, Renji went ballistic with the wii-mote, slashing the air with it so hard it flew out out of his hand and smacked Ichigo. Everyone watched in horror as he pinwheeled out of control, tripped over the coffee table and smashed his head straight through the television.

"I won!" Renji declared, throwing his arms up in the air.

Ichigo didn't get back up.

**317. Death by loss of electricity.**

Mayuri crawled into a corner somewhere and died, unable to live without his trinkets and torture devices.

**317. Death by cow. *For Jigokuchou-chan***

Keigo went cow-tipping with Mizuiro and Rukia, who was intriqued about any human stupidity. Forgot that the most vital thing to remember is both people have to be on one side.

After Mizuiro and Rukia tipped the cow on top of him and broke his spleen, Keigo thought how humiliating it was to die this way.

**318. Death by video game fans *For Praeses***

Everyone was impatiently awaiting the newest Zelda release. It appalled Ichigo how many people lined up outside the store after closing hours and camped out until the next day.

It was just unlucky him that goatface was one of those people. Isshin hadn't wanted to leave his offspring out of the, quote, "fun, once-in-a-lifetime experience." Ichigo was sure there would be other opportunities to get his neck broken in a crazy stampede. Like Black Friday.

For now, it was best to wait it out and get the hell of the way when the store opened.

That is, of course, unless the stampede decided to come early.

The front of the store exploded, glass flying everywhere. Ichigo hit the deck as another blast took his father's head clean off from where he'd been lounging in a lawn chair.

Grimmjow howled with laughter as Aizen and his masses of Arrancar poured into the store to steal the new Zelda.

Apparantly...even Hueco Mundo kept tabs on Zelda.

**319. Death by arrow to the knee.**

"I used to be a Soul Reaper," Ichigo said dryly to Uryu one day, "then I took an arrow to the knee."

Pissed off at the overused saying, Uryu actually shot Ichigo in the knee with his bow.

Ichigo screamed, hopping off the sidewalk into the street where a Prius plowed into him, hauling his raggedy ass down the street as a hood ornament.

**320. Using slang.**

"Dat's the shiznit," Shinji said, trying to get into the swing of today's generation. He was standing in a coffee shop, and had just commented on the latte'.

He actually felt pleased with himself.

A gangster unfortunately overheard him and just for the sake of disliking Shinji, pulled out his piece and shot him down.


End file.
